domestic abuse

[jacksgran]

my daughter who has two sons aged 3 years and 1 year has been being physically abused by her husband while he is drunk he also hit the 3 year old once. He drinks about a litre of vodka at a sitting maybe three times a week she is at her wits end and doesnt quite know what to do next. he is also mentally abusive when she could not go to work at his shop he said she should die and probably had cancer anyway. he is a foreigner on a indefinite visa to say in britain

[sara3]

can she not move out with the children?

[weeal]

Call your local Womens Aid if you have one, they normally either have a refuge or use a local hotel, theyre very good. The police should also be informed of this physical violence but get them out of the situation first.

[redcrx]

can you not go and remove her from the property?
if shes at her wits end then she must be looking for assistance to get away from him.

[Velvetee]

I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's plight jacksgran, you must be so worried. My sister is in a similar situation, married to an immigrant, who only wed her to stay in the UK and he treats her badly, makes her work, whilst he stays at home and encourages her to steal money from my elderly mother.

The only solution is for her to get out of the marriage, but I'm sure you've told her this a million times over. Whilst you can advise her and offer her support, only she can take the steps to leave this abusive relationship. It certailnly isn't good for her children either.

[jacksgran]

thamk you all for your replies. she could move in with us but we live too close to her present home. She is going to get in touch with womens aid tomorrow, hopefully they will help her. This situation has only started since he got his visa. He is a muslim and should not be drinking anyway.

[upsydaisy]

I can't imagine how awful and desperately worrying this must be for you. But, that b*st*rd has HIT her child - at what point is she going to realise she must leave? who's to say he won't just completely lose it and cause serious injury or worse. PLEASE do everything you can to get her out NOW, can you take the kids away somewhere? If he still goes to a mosque can you contact the imam? Surely if he gets a police record he would lose his visa? (or is that just wishful thinking?) Wishing you a speedy and safe resolution to your nightmare. xx

[redcrx]

can she come to you until she finds help from a refuge?
if he turns up there and causes bother then call the police immediately.

[pinktwink]

sorry to hear about your daughter however there are two important factors to consider. Firstly it is essentisl yoou daughter take every step to ensure the safety of her children. If social services become involved that will be crucial in terms of her ability to protect her children. Secondly given her husbands staunch religious beliefs and the treatment of women in that religion it is important she not divulge her whereabouts should she move. If she has any concerns her husband may leave the country with the children it is vital she maintains their passports in safe keeping and take extra measures regarding their safety. She may wish to apply for a protection order. Good luck

[lil123]

Women's aid are fantastic. I would be dead now if it wasn't for them.
I fled my violent husband over 2 years ago with nothing but the clothes I had on and my little son.
Now, I have a new life. I have a life!!!
I have a nice house, a car, a job and new friends.
Please , please don't live life like this.
It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life but the best.

[Bbbananas]

She should get out NOW. He will not change; he will only get worse. It's bad enough him abusing your daughter - but if he has already hit one child already, he will do this again. And the mental abuse is as bad as the physical. It will wear her down. If she has nowhere else to go, then her first step is to find her local Women's Refuge.

The next time, and I sincerely hope there is not a next time, she must go to the Police.

Believe me, I do know what I'm talking about. I have been in a similar situation.

[sqad617]

salla....so sorry you had to experience that sort of treatment.....and indeed any other woman.

[Bbbananas]

You don't know the half of it sqad - I have alluded to some of it on here in the past - under the cloak of anonymity it's easier to divulge all...!

It shouldn't happen, but it does. Women should walk away from it when it happens the first time - but they don't or, more relevantly, can't.

I'm sorry that it happened also, time & time again. I'm sorry he was essentially & fundamentally a good man who for lots of reasons turned 'bad'. You forgive, but don't forget.

But this man, as referred to by jacksgran, sounds bad to start off with through & through. Her daughter really should get out & get help now; especially if he's turning on the children.