Cancer

[Picky]

Hi all

Please bear with me, I will hopefully be able to ask the the question properly. My poor Dad was diagnosed with primary oesophegus cancer ath the beginning of January, and now has secondary in this lungs, and they suspect his liver and bile duct too as they''ve drained nearly 5 litres of fluid from around his liver and it contained cancer cells. He is unable to have chemo as something has given him jaundice which has made him far too poorly. We've been told he's not got long as he is so ill and things have gone on too far. My question is, how does cancer kill you? Does it stop your organs function, or does it just make you so poorly that you just stop working? I'd appreciate any answers or just how to cope, if there is a way. He's only just turned 60, so he's so young and I'm 5 months pregnant with my 2nd. It's a very stressful time and my poor Mum is struggling too.

Thanks in advance

Px

[andy-hughes]

Cancer kills in a number of different ways, depending on the areas of the body infected, but findamentally it destroys healthy body cells until it destroys enough cells in vital organs such as lungs, kidneys, blood, bones, etc., that the body can no longer function, and it dies.

I am sorry to put it so brutally, but there is no easy way of describing such a terrible condition.

My deepest sympathy to you and your family about your dad, I do hope he will not suffer for long.

You must cling on to the thought that the pain of his passing for you, will be the release from the pain for him, and peace at last.

[Schutzengel]

Picky. so sorry to hear about your Dad. Have you contacted the Macmillan Nurse for your area. They are wonderful. My brother died of bowel cancer, aged 59, and was looked after on a daily basis by a Macmillan nurse. He did pass away peacefully, due to the nurse and a very caring GP. I hope if things have got so far with your dad's illness that he too has a peaceful ending. It is such a stressful time for everyone, and especially for your mum, and for you with being pregnant. There isn't a lot that you can do practically at the present time, but do try to take care of yourself, and support your mum as much as you can. It really is time now to call on professional help. The Macmillan nurse not only supports the patient, but she also provides strong support for the rest of the family. Having been down this distressing road I feel so sorry for you. With my sympathy and best wishes. Schutz.

[Picky]

Thank you both for your answers and your kind comments. Andy, I appreciate your information, this is just what I wanted to know. I know it might sound hard needing to know the mechanics of it, but thankfully I have never been in this position before so I suppose it's just my way of getting things clear in my own head. Thanks to you too Schutz. I think Mum feels a little alone at the moment and a bit let down as promised visits from the district nurses haven't happened. I live over 250 miles away from my parents and my sister lives over 150 miles from them, so it is really hard to support her. She doesn't want us to keep coming down but I just don't know what to do for them. Do you just call your local Mcmillian nurses, or do you need to contact your GP and they refer you?
Thanks so much for your answers, I'm very grateful

Px

[eloisey]

Hello,when my dad was told he had advanced cancer of the lungs,that had also gone to the brain and other organs,it is such a shock. First look after your health,i know its hard when you must be so worried. There is plenty of help and support. Marie Curie cancer care were lovely, we kept dad at home.During the awful time there was special times of being with dad and telling him we loved him.I will put your family in my prayers xx

[barney1966]

So sorry to hear your terrible news.

Been through a similar situation a few years back with my Mother. She originally had a rare cancer when in her mid 40s but after 10 years secondary cancer returned to her lungs and liver. She'd had so much chemo first time there was little chance of it giving her any benefit this time although she tried it which made her very sick and weak.

I was also living far away but spoke to her Consultant, asked some blunt questions like how long (biggest shock of my life when told a couple of months and indeed it was a couple of months almost to the day) but it meant I was able to sort my situation out and spend most of the next few months there.

I believe there was a Macmillan coordinator who introduced herself to my parents although she wasn't really their type of person (very loud and bossy) and we found the help from them and anyone else almost non existent. So I guess it could well depend on where you are and how you get along with the individuals involved regards the help you get.

My Mother had to be admitted to hospital some times to have fluid cleared from her lungs and had a terrible time of it.

As the end drew near she was on liquid morphine, getting injections and had a catheter. It was horrendous - everything just sort of closed down and she also got confused.

She was desperate to stay home to die, that's all she wanted but we had to work so hard for this to happen. Every time we asked for help (as we were all exhausted, esp my Father) and we just needed someone to sit with her through the night as we were taking it in turns we got nothing other than told to get her into the hospice about half an hour away (and spoken over her as if she wasn't even there) which made her hysterical.

The last day was horrendous but towards the end of the day she was more peaceful and slipped away. Happily your memory works in such a

[barney1966]

a way that you tend to remember the better moments and forget all the horrible stuff.

I really wish you and your family the best of luck and hope it goes as well as these things ever can.