Best Irish joke ever!
Paddy had been drinking down at his local pub all day. Mick the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy!"
Paddy replies, "Ok Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins round on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite", he says and pulls himself up by the stoool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.
"Shoite,
Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the door and get some fresh air, he'll be fine. He belly crawls up to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath, feels much better, takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
"Bi'Jesus....I'm f0ckin f0cked," he says.
He sees his house just a few doors down and crawls to the door. He hauls himself up the door frame and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says. "No f0ckin way!"
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom and says, "I can make it to bed." He steps into the room and falls flat on his face. "F0ck it", he says and falls into bed.
The next morning his wife comes into the room and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"
Paddy says, "I was f0ckin p!ssed. But how did you know?"
"Mick phoned.......you left your wheelchair in the pub!"