how do i talk to my husband about starting a family ?

[miniegg]

Hi,

My husband and i have been married for 4 years now and at the start of the relationship we both decided that Children we something for the future, a long way away.

I have now been feeling really maternal and think alot of starting my own family. I know im ready to, but i dont think my hubby is. How to i start to tell him this with out making him feel pressured ?

thank you in advance.

[freda@kpslc.]

I would just tell your husband how you feel, but before you do..... men are always worried about the financial side of things, so do your homework and do a budget, to show him that you could 'afford' to start a family.
Do you have a friend or family member who has recently had a baby? I would suggest a visit to them and let him have a cuddle, then tell him how it suits him and what a good Dad you think he will make.!
You never know... maybe he is ready to start a family, but is waiting for you to mention it to HIM.
You never know!!

Good Luck!!

[miniegg]

Thanks for you answer, i know i should talk to him again, but i know i will just get an answer like .. no not yet, im not ready. I do know that he is scared of becoming a dad and thinks he wont be a good dad.

As for Family and Friends having recently had babies, become pregnant, i know the holding the baby bit doesn't work.

[B00]

miniegg (cute name!) you might be surprised by his reaction.

When I met Mr Boo i already had a daughter who was 6 at the time, and for nearly 10 years I was adamant I wasn't going to have any more and he seemed happy enough with the arrangement. Then some close friends of ours became pregnant (well ,the wife did- he didn't!) and he was totally in awe of it and literally went all gooey over it. This made me look again at my point of view and I shocked myself with how much I wouldn't mind another baby. So i sat and discussed it with him- and well- a year later Mini Boo arrived!

I guess what I'm trying to say, in my own bumbling fashion, is that by talking to him, you might be very surprised by his reaction to you wanting children now.

Good luck!

[miniegg]

Thanks, you guys are really nice and helpful on this site. I have looked at stuff on here for the last year or so, but have only ever asked a handfull of questions.

Boo, i did say the other day that i wanted to talk about things but when he felt ready. Im just scared that, that day will never arrive and ive lost my chance to start a family.

He has two younger siblings, aged 2 and 1. I have told him how good of a dad he would be and when i watch him with them he loves it and always looks forward to seeing them.

I will talk to him again.
x

[B00]

You didn't say how old you were miniegg? But if it eases your mind slightly I was 34 when I had Mini Boo which in today's society is considered an older mum!

Talk to him as soon as you can- I imagine the not knowing how is mind is working is worse than a definite no from him isn't it?

Also bear in mind that if he does say no now, there's still a very good chance he might change his mind a few years down the line.

Once again, Good luck- keep us updated!

[iamlargend]

cannae gie ye any advice

a left ma weans

got loadsa the wee yins but never see em

better aff without a an alky like me like annat

[jack daniels]

Hey miniegg
I personally think that showing a 'budget' turns the whole thing business like - by all means talk about money but don't star showing budgets - it could actually scare him!.
I know you'd both be worried about the financial side but discuss things, tell him that you've been scared to approach the subject - hopefully that'll give you more of his attention, rather then avoiding the subject.
Like BOO says age will come into it, so take that into consideration.
Mention how it would be better to start a family before you both reach an age where you feel it straining to 'keep up' - I'm not knocking the mature parents - everyones circumstances are different.
Waiting to talk when he's ready is a good thing but that might turn into never - simply because he could be scared!
You've also got to think about - what if he now feels as though he never wants kids, it's not only women that can feel like this or change their minds.
Sometimes it's good to enjoy married life when it's just the two of you & he may well be aware of the lives being turned upsidedown (in a good way) but it's still scary, and the thought of whether you'' beable to cope.
It's a huge decision that needs to be talked about but don't 'accidently' fall pregnant either!

HTH

sorry about the essay!

[miniegg]

Spoke to hubby over the weekend, and didnt get an answer i wanted... He doesn't want kids now and maybe wont want them ever !! All i could say was can be talk about this again in a few years ?
I'm 27 and hubby is 25, im now just scared that he wont ever want them and i have to either choose the man i fell in love with and married or having a family ?

Its so not fair, i just dont know what to do

[jack daniels]

you're both very young. At 25 he probably doesn't feel ready yet.
15 years ago we felt ready & I was around your age then. There's a lot more expenses etc... now then there was then.
Sorry miniegg you may not want to hear this but, it's not the end of the world, there's still plenty of time for children. Enjoy practising at the moment - give him time & maybe a year or so before talking about it again.
You need to have a bit more of a relaxed approach to it for now - don't let it run you down.
Do not issue ultimatums or pressurize in any way - that's not fair either. You should both have a strong enough relationship to deal with it - it's not a complete end, just a hiccup for now!
I know you feel as though the worlds ended & it's not fair but thats married life & it's all about compromise.
Like I said you've plenty of time & it's likely to happen later rather then sooner.
HTH

x

[mrs_overall]

It might seem like the end of the world for you right now, but as has been said, you are both still young.
Don't nag him about it...leave it another year and see how he feels then. Maybe when his mates start becoming dads he will realise what he is missing.
Enjoy your time together, just the two of you and don't let this issue become a wedge between you.
There is nothing wrong with being an older mum - I had my youngest when I was 43....and I wasn't the oldest in the maternity ward!

[miniegg]

Much thanks for all your advice. xx

i have decided to chill out and let things lie for a few years. As hubby says " we shall address the situation again in a few years "

I know about the age thing, it just seems that i feel way older than i am !

Again, many thanks for your kind answers.
xx