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CB users opinions needed please
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My ex husband had our kids staying over at the weekend..My son goes regularly but his Fiance wouldn't have my daughter in her house as she has a form of ADHD and OCD and often presents challenging behaviour...hard work but we are getting there..
She hadn't stayed with her dad since December...
She stayed this weekend after a lot of groundwork , he called me within 5 minutes saying her couldn't handle her and that she wanted to come home...I was away at my Boyfriends for the weekend, something I only get to do every second weekend... I managed to persuade my daughter to stay with her dad and gave them both loads of advice on how to try to make the best of their time together..I got a phone call at 9.45pm Saturday night from my Daugher, who is 12, saying that her dad had dropped her home and drove away knowing that there was nobody home to care for her.I was not able to come home as I was away out but I arranged for my sister to pick her up within half an hour....I am fuming, fizzing, raging mad....When I asked him why he thought it was ok leaving a minor to fend for herself, his response was.."she wanted to come home so I brought her home,she is old enough to look after herself."
No she is not..I was so tempted to call the Police Saturday night but I thought it would just cause more trouble.however i will be telling my daughters Social Worker tomorrow..
No matter what scenario I put to him today, he would not acknowledge that he had done wrong...he just kept saying that his Fiance wanted her out the house and that my daughter wanted to come home.
Any advice on what is my next step regarding this situation.
I do not want to rock the boat between my Son and his dad but I don't think I want him to be responsible for my daughter again.My daughter had been sick as a parrot since last night, she has had constant Headaches and Sickness and Diorrhea since he dumped her home last night.Was he out of order or do you think he was
She hadn't stayed with her dad since December...
She stayed this weekend after a lot of groundwork , he called me within 5 minutes saying her couldn't handle her and that she wanted to come home...I was away at my Boyfriends for the weekend, something I only get to do every second weekend... I managed to persuade my daughter to stay with her dad and gave them both loads of advice on how to try to make the best of their time together..I got a phone call at 9.45pm Saturday night from my Daugher, who is 12, saying that her dad had dropped her home and drove away knowing that there was nobody home to care for her.I was not able to come home as I was away out but I arranged for my sister to pick her up within half an hour....I am fuming, fizzing, raging mad....When I asked him why he thought it was ok leaving a minor to fend for herself, his response was.."she wanted to come home so I brought her home,she is old enough to look after herself."
No she is not..I was so tempted to call the Police Saturday night but I thought it would just cause more trouble.however i will be telling my daughters Social Worker tomorrow..
No matter what scenario I put to him today, he would not acknowledge that he had done wrong...he just kept saying that his Fiance wanted her out the house and that my daughter wanted to come home.
Any advice on what is my next step regarding this situation.
I do not want to rock the boat between my Son and his dad but I don't think I want him to be responsible for my daughter again.My daughter had been sick as a parrot since last night, she has had constant Headaches and Sickness and Diorrhea since he dumped her home last night.Was he out of order or do you think he was
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Thanks for the definitions - these are modern expressions for attention seekers. Nobody's ever died of them, so don't worry, she'll grow out of it.
I'm not making any assumptions about your family relationships, you're the one who chose to announce to us all that you and your ex are both in relationships, you moaned about how you "only" get to canoodle at your boyfriend's every other week. Then you slag off your ex. Doesn't exactly sound to me like happy families.
And stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Your kids are the ones I feel sorry for. They've got a father who now has a future wife and neither of them wants his daughter. And their mother's moaning because she only gets to see the boyfriend every other week!
No wonder your 12 year old daughter craves attention. These kids, like any others, did not ask to be born, that was courtesy of you and your ex. One of you had to have custody, in this case it was you, but you seem to be content to let them still visit your ex despite the "abusive and destructive home life" you saw fit to remove them from!
You're wrong, I'm not perfect, but you should take a look in the mirror yourself. Don't go around sympathy seeking for a situation that you are equally to blame for as your ex. It's your kids who should be moaning, not you!
Grow up!
I'm not making any assumptions about your family relationships, you're the one who chose to announce to us all that you and your ex are both in relationships, you moaned about how you "only" get to canoodle at your boyfriend's every other week. Then you slag off your ex. Doesn't exactly sound to me like happy families.
And stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Your kids are the ones I feel sorry for. They've got a father who now has a future wife and neither of them wants his daughter. And their mother's moaning because she only gets to see the boyfriend every other week!
No wonder your 12 year old daughter craves attention. These kids, like any others, did not ask to be born, that was courtesy of you and your ex. One of you had to have custody, in this case it was you, but you seem to be content to let them still visit your ex despite the "abusive and destructive home life" you saw fit to remove them from!
You're wrong, I'm not perfect, but you should take a look in the mirror yourself. Don't go around sympathy seeking for a situation that you are equally to blame for as your ex. It's your kids who should be moaning, not you!
Grow up!
Terrible reading, clydeserani. Just glad that your daughter's safe and well.
I wouldn't let her go to her father's again. If he wants to see her, let it be at your place or some mutual meeting area.
I know how difficult it can be when a child suffers from ADHD. My eldest son was diagnosed with borderline ADHD when he was 5, but outgrew it thankfully. The younger one's autistic though, and so similar problems can occur. If anyone'd dumped a child of mine off in that manner, I too, would've gone raving mad. Best of luck to you. x
I wouldn't let her go to her father's again. If he wants to see her, let it be at your place or some mutual meeting area.
I know how difficult it can be when a child suffers from ADHD. My eldest son was diagnosed with borderline ADHD when he was 5, but outgrew it thankfully. The younger one's autistic though, and so similar problems can occur. If anyone'd dumped a child of mine off in that manner, I too, would've gone raving mad. Best of luck to you. x
one small point.
the amount of time youve been apart from your partner you really should have an agreement and understanding of sorts by now.
easy to say its down to his new partner.
its the responsibility f both parents to try their utmost to get on for the sake of any children involved.
but as a result of this and the animosity betwen yourself and your partner i can only see that getting worse and the real losers are the kids.
really the two of you need to talk.
its easy to blame each other , but far harder to try and sort things out
the amount of time youve been apart from your partner you really should have an agreement and understanding of sorts by now.
easy to say its down to his new partner.
its the responsibility f both parents to try their utmost to get on for the sake of any children involved.
but as a result of this and the animosity betwen yourself and your partner i can only see that getting worse and the real losers are the kids.
really the two of you need to talk.
its easy to blame each other , but far harder to try and sort things out
If your ex and his soon-to-be-wife want to have any kind of relationship wirh his daughter,they will have to learn how to cope with her. When they do marry,they cant have a situation where SHE does not want HIS child in their house. Unfortunately the die has been cast with this episode, so there is going to have to be some catching up. Your ex was irresponsible to say the least....he will need to do better if he cares about his childs welfare. I am sure her condition makes her more in need of attention than some her age,and he needs to see that,tho leaving any 12yr old on their own like that is just wrong.
Blah Blah Blah Paraffin...you are obviously some kind of nut job who gets off on winding folk up....I see my BF every day FYI...
ADHD is caused by a chemical imbalance in the Brain, not attention seeking, there are many misdiagnosed cases, I do agree, however, my daughter and many others have been medically and clinically proven to ahve a chemical imbalance that alters the state of their perception of what is acceptable etc...
take a wee trip to the library or do some Googling if you can manage that...
i do not and have never sought sympathy for any of the things that have gone on in my life, I take full and complete responsibilty, however i did give my ex the benefit of the doubt that he had changed his ways and became a responsible person after 6 years of his complete abandonment of his children..it disn't just happen overnight....considering that he was now settled in a realtionship.. i just didn't realise right away that he swapped his abusive nature to be a spineless git who would let another person dictate if and when he should be a father..
Go get educated you useless opinionated waste of CB/AB space...
ADHD is caused by a chemical imbalance in the Brain, not attention seeking, there are many misdiagnosed cases, I do agree, however, my daughter and many others have been medically and clinically proven to ahve a chemical imbalance that alters the state of their perception of what is acceptable etc...
take a wee trip to the library or do some Googling if you can manage that...
i do not and have never sought sympathy for any of the things that have gone on in my life, I take full and complete responsibilty, however i did give my ex the benefit of the doubt that he had changed his ways and became a responsible person after 6 years of his complete abandonment of his children..it disn't just happen overnight....considering that he was now settled in a realtionship.. i just didn't realise right away that he swapped his abusive nature to be a spineless git who would let another person dictate if and when he should be a father..
Go get educated you useless opinionated waste of CB/AB space...
I agree. My son's ADHD was put down to a faulty gene. Sometimes it can be caused by allergies and food intolerance, but it's a very real and very unpleasant condition for a child to have. I work from home, and've always been there for our children. I've been on courses to try and understand this dreadful illness, and spent literally hours and hours, reading, drawing my son's attention to other things, taking him out to interesting places, etc., etc. It's damned hard work - but worth it in the end, so please, paraffin, don't judge by what you don't fully understand.
thankyou thankyou Ice.Maiden and Pinktwink..It is so difficult to get people who have not had to live with and learn about Hyperactive Disorders and the Autism Spectrum to understand.......
I will bid you all goodnight now as I am up early to get the kids to school..
Gonna take the dog out for a quick walk first so may pop in before lights out....
I will bid you all goodnight now as I am up early to get the kids to school..
Gonna take the dog out for a quick walk first so may pop in before lights out....
I was offered Ritalin for my son, but refused it, after researching the side effects of it. It can sometimes alter a child's personality permanently, so i said no. My doctor leaned across his desk when I said that, briefly squeezed mt hand, and said that he was in full agrement with me, but thought it only faitrto make the offer.
Clydesaerani - I hope that with time, things can be smoothed out with your ex, but your child's welfare comes first, and I still think that what he did was appalling.
Clydesaerani - I hope that with time, things can be smoothed out with your ex, but your child's welfare comes first, and I still think that what he did was appalling.
pinktwink:
Why is it insulting to give an honest opinion? Would you rather I posted something comforting instead of what I actually think, even if it may not be what someone wishes to hear? If I did that I would be a hypocrite, and I am many things but hypocritical is not one of them. I call a spade a spade which does not make me insulting.
And unless you are a qualified psychiatrist, or similar, then I don't think you would be any better qualified to judge than I or anyone else as to the ramifications of these modern day acronyms.
Why is it insulting to give an honest opinion? Would you rather I posted something comforting instead of what I actually think, even if it may not be what someone wishes to hear? If I did that I would be a hypocrite, and I am many things but hypocritical is not one of them. I call a spade a spade which does not make me insulting.
And unless you are a qualified psychiatrist, or similar, then I don't think you would be any better qualified to judge than I or anyone else as to the ramifications of these modern day acronyms.
Yes he's out of order. What would he do if you weren't there to take the responsibility and do the hard work, would he just dump her in the street and bury his head in the sand.
I would have called the police. He abandoned a vulnerable minor and it's disgusting he has no remorse and cannot understand what he did was wrong.
I would have called the police. He abandoned a vulnerable minor and it's disgusting he has no remorse and cannot understand what he did was wrong.
Pink works in childcare and must see these things on a daily basis paraffin. My sister, my brother and my sister-in-law are all doctors. One's a paediatrician, and I assure you that, what with first-hand experience of ADHD and autism and the best medical advice possible, I think I'm personally qualified enough to talk about the subject.
However, I have to agree with you that some cases are probably NOT the real ADHD, since diagnosis takes quite a while, and it's all too easy for people to label their unruly children as having such.
However, I have to agree with you that some cases are probably NOT the real ADHD, since diagnosis takes quite a while, and it's all too easy for people to label their unruly children as having such.
pinktwink:
So you're a Social Worker? A fine calling, very underestimated, understaffed and a fairly thankless occupation. Good on you (I'm being sincere), and I'm sure you are far more au fait with such expressions as have been used on this thread as I am. I grant you that.
By the same token, we are all entitled to an opinion and I would not deny anyone theirs. I'd hope that mine too would be just as valid, even if it's controversial and out of step with the other opinions.
So you're a Social Worker? A fine calling, very underestimated, understaffed and a fairly thankless occupation. Good on you (I'm being sincere), and I'm sure you are far more au fait with such expressions as have been used on this thread as I am. I grant you that.
By the same token, we are all entitled to an opinion and I would not deny anyone theirs. I'd hope that mine too would be just as valid, even if it's controversial and out of step with the other opinions.
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