Answering machine messages

[amarillis]

Not too sure where to put this one, but does anyone have any funny/smart answering machine messages?

[twiglet4frog]

Message "Hello?" PAUSE FOR 2 SECONDS

Caller "Hi There...!"

Message "Hi, can i help?" PAUSE FOR 2 SECONDS

Caller "Yes, i was..."

Message :" Hello, anyone there??" PAUSE

Caller " HELLO YES I AM HERE..."

Message " HELLO?? HELLO?? Oh hold on, i am not in at the moment, thats why i cant hear u so leave a message after the tone, might call u back and hear u then" BEEP

[twiglet4frog]

"Hi, The owner isnt in right now, i know this because i am a burgler but if u would like to leave your name and number i will right it on a piece of paper before half inching this answer machine, thanks....BEEP"

[catra1]

after weeks of people ringing us asking for an old people's home and not accepting we were a private residence (we got calls from all over the county) my husband put the following message on the answer phone:

"We have all gone away, no one is here anymore, we will never come back. Thankyou"

lo and behold we have had no more messages asking for old people after that was on the phone for two weeks-what is stranger though is that none of our friends/relatives who rang during the period commented on it! we must be a highly strung couple??

I did manage to persuade him not to put "we are all dead" at the end of the message which was his original idea (he was really annoyed about all the calls!) I don't think some people would have seen the funny side of that..
Catra

[Artful]

Oh yes, andy hughes, I do like that. Class? Too true. Machines can be so offputting but when you hear an unusual one the laughter breaks the ice.

twiglet4frog, a friend of ours has practically the same message (the 'conversation' one) and whenever my husband gets it he goes beserk! It always makes me smile. 

[amarillis]

They're fantastic! I don't know which one to use now, I may have to keep changing it!