Am i being a cow?

[baggysenior]

I have been seeing a man now for 6 months and i do love him. I'm just accepting the unfortunate prospect of not having any more children (i have 1 by my ex husband)as my partner has had a vasectomy and wants no more (he has 3 from his ex wife)i struggle silently on a daily basis with the thought i may not have anymore but My problem is his 19 yr old son who his father has always described as an 'attention seeker'. In the past month he has taken two overdoses, none of which were deemed life threatening but none the less he was admitted to hospital. Whilst he was in hospital he was very happy and not in the least bit regretful or sorry. His father quite rightly drops everything (inc me) to attend to him. I'm struggling to hide the anger i feel towards his son for 'playing' with his life and his familys emotions not to mention the waste of nursing/dr time (and if i'm honest i'm jealous of the time he takes from me, which isn't alot, with his dad.) I work within the NHS and see people daily fighting for their right to live. I appreciate its a mental illness but am i cold hearted for thinking if it happens again i'm off, and leave my partner through no fault of his own.????I have my 2yr daughter to think of and i don't think i'm able to take much more emotional baggage.

[sara3]

what do you think your partner should do?

[zzxxee]

tricky 6 months is very early on in a relasionship to think about children i would try and figure out what you really want you dont say if you live together?

[logic]

no, i agree with you entirely.
If the silly bu55er wants to top himself, let him get on with it.

[baggysenior]

I know my partner is in a no win situation, and i do feel for him, but what can i do? i don't live with him and i work as well as bring up my daughter so i have little free time with him as it is. He's tolerant of my situation so i guess i should be of his, so why is it sooo hard to be? I dislike myself for sounding so selfish.

[sqad617]

Well the son is 19yrs of age ...he needs to grow up.

Your partner has to decide YOU or his SON....not easy, but it has to be done.

Me? I would drop my son for you.

Why? because the son would attention seek whoever your partner was seeing.

[paraffin]

Hi baggy:

Unfortunately I don't have the magic wand which you so desperately need. For nothing else could sort this mess out for you, unfortunately.

It's okay the rest of us sitting here saying you should do this or you should do that, you're the one slap bang in the middle of an unwinnable situation.

I mean, walk away and you'll probably regret it for ever and a day. But stay, stick it out and you may also come to hate those closest to you.

I personally believe that it's up to your partner to make a very difficult choice between his son and you, for it sounds as though it's two's company, three's a crowd, as the saying goes.

I'm certainly no expert when it comes to the question of your yearnings for another child, but, have you considered adoption or fostering? I realise it wouldn't be the same as your very own child but you'd still be giving a needy child a home?

The best of luck in whatever you decide to do.