Was thinking.....

[angel21]

You know how its supposed to be a good thing for a child to grow up in a secure, stable environment with steady, regular people around them who are always there for them

Well I was thinking - isn't teaching your children that people are always in your life wrong?

I'm not saying its good for a child to be in a household where the mother is sleeping with 4 different blokes a week or whatever but maybe this teaches the child that people do come and go in life.

It might be easier for a child to accept break ups when they are older then etc.

Any thoughts?

[angel21]

bump

[ummmm]

It's like parents who don't argue in front of their kids. Why not? I think it's healthy (as long as not violent or daily) to see parents fall out and then watch them make up.....That's the real world. The last argument I had with BF my youngest was in the room. My BF was rubbing his head while we were shouting at each other then said to my son 'sorry about this mate' my son replied 'that's ok...it needs to be said' An hour later he watched us kiss and cuddle and say sorry. That's the lesson.

[ummmm]

Oh....about break ups. I've never really forgiven my Mum for leaving my Dad. I was 8.

[angel21]

Yeah thats a good point ummmm

People think its unhealthy but they aren't protecting their child by not arguing in front of them because when they are older the true reality will be more of a shock to them.

[angel21]

hmm yeah I suppose I kind of wonder why my parents split up and if it was really necessary, I guess thinking about it both my parents have had a couple of partners since they divorced when I was really young so that should have taught me that people come in and out of your life but it hasn't reall made it any easier for me to accept. So perhaps that answers my question.

[craft1948]

do you not think that teaching young children that relationships i.e. their parents relationship may not last would needlessly worry a child.....

[redcrx]

yeah ok, parents arguing in front of children is perhaps ok to a point. But at what age?
I dont see the point of preparing a child for a breakup unless its possibly on the cards, otherwse its surely going to upset the child, especially when young. Yes, by all means explain things if and when they come into contact with such situations, ie if friend Billys parents split explain that some families do change.
But i dont see a point in explaining to a 3 year old that parents sometimes split if they dont need to know that. Otherwise every argument between parents could terrify a child thinking that they may split.

[angel21]

I wasn't really meaning that if your relationship is ok you should explain to your child that some people split up.

What I'm trying to ask (though phrasing rather badly) is which kind of situation is better for children in reality - 2 parents happily married or one parent who has on/off relationship ? But then obviously it would be the first option the happily married.

[angel21]

Suppose I was just wndering how each situation affects childs life - and what are the positive and negative outcomes for the child later in life?

Am I making sense? No! lol :-)

[k8bailey]

I agree with Red and Craft on this one - arguing about grown up things could needlessly worry a child and make them grow up too fast. My parents argued about everything, love, money, affairs, family etc infront of me and my brother and I think it was too much too young.....did I really need to know that my mum had slept with another man or that my dad wished my mum would get hit by a bus?!

But Ummmm also has a point about learning bout making up too. I think its ok to have little arguments about who's turn it is to take the bins out or him spending too much time on the xbox but somethings should be kept behind closed doors - in my opinion anyway!