What would you do?

[Louise07]

Ok, have been with bf for 6 yrs, have young baby, and generally good relationship, he always says he worries that I may leave him as he has little self confidence. Today I got an email from a lady via a social network site, which attached a copy of an email between her and my bf. Basically it is flirting then goes on to filth and an invite from him to her round to my house for sex while I am away at my parents some 100 miles away. I am extremely hurt as I always trusted him. I have no idea what to do next, meant to be going on holiday next week, but how can I?

[jake-the-peg]

Er why has she sent you this mail?

Perhaps so that you'd throw him out and she'd have him to herself?

If you dump him will she "win"?

[karma22]

Poor you Louise. I certainly would not be happy.

You need to speak to him and find out the honest reason he has been doing this.

Perhaps he is unconfident and talking to this lady made him feel better about himself.

Perhaps he is not really as unconfident as he says and he would really have invited her around while you were away.

Perhaps as hc4361 said:

It is possible he worries about you leaving him because he knows he may not be faithful himself, and can't believe that other people can be.

You need to get the truth first though it may be hard to believe him and trust anything he says from now on.

[Brinjal]

Im sorry to say that once the trust has gone you willhave a very difficult time ever getting it back. When ever he is late home you will wonder where he is. You will be afraid to spend a weekend at your parents without him because you will wonder what he is up to. No way to live.

[Queenie.x]

As other people have said I think you do have to remember the important thing he has not cheated on you. Ok he has been flirting on line and he is not the first person to do that, nor will he be the last. You do say yourself though that he does not have much self confidence. This may just have been a way for him for him to feel better about himself.

Saying that he has it sounds like you have a lot of talking to do if you do want to save your relationship. You must make it clear how much he has hurt you but make sure you are doing what you want, not what everyone else thinks you should do.

My husband cheated on me after 7 years of marriage and I was devastated as I loved him completely. All my friends told me to throw him out and never take him back. It was difficult at the time but I knew I still loved him. We did a lot of talking and decided to stay together and I have never regretted it. It took a while for the trust to return but 18 years later I know he has never cheated on me again. We have been very happy and are celebrating our 25th anniversary next month.

Just wanted to say things can work out if you do truly love each other but you need to do a lot more talking now and in the future.

Good luck and I hope all works out for you.

[karma22]

Sadly I do think Brinjal is right.

Argh its tricky cus no ones perfect and people make mistakes and it would be a shame to split up a family over a silly mistake but then he has broken you're trust and you shouldn't have to live your life worrying about what he's up to - you wouldn't be able to enjoy your weekend with your parents or do anything without wondering what he is up to.

[karma22]

Ah glad it all worked out for you queenie x

I'm sure that story will help Louise a great deal :-)

[sn�gs]

''18 years later I know he has never cheated on me again''

Sorry to be devil's advocate here but 'how' do you 'know'...

Do you mean you now 'trust' him enough again to believe him when he tells you he hasn't?

[Queenie.x]

Thank you karma. I just think that you don't know what you would do yourself until you are in that position. I always said when I got married that if my husband ever cheated on me he would be straight out the door. Easier said than done when you are in love.

Some people are too quick to give advice without knowing the full story and not having been in that situation themself, by which I mean my friends at the time. It's very different when it happens to you.

[Ankou]

i have to agree with queenie and jake above.

i am also quite saddened that people are encouraging domestic violence as a humorous aside.