Men who want to stay friends rather than take their chance on you

[Evely]

How do I trick a man who's decided after 6 months of dating he just wants to be friends. I know him and he's just afraid it won't work out.
How do I trick him into setting his doubts aside and just go for it? I really want him and he's the first man in years I fell in love with. (We're both 25 btw) I don't wanna give up on him, yet, and put those 6 months of work to waste.
Usually I'm the one who pulls the "staying friends" line. So, from a woman's perspective I know what it means. But what could possibly change his mind?
He wants to stay close, but I wanna be closer, you know... :-) Any ideas on that?

[Loosehead]

Well for a start, I wouldn't try and "trick" him at all, there's nothing more likely to make us blokes run a mile than a "trick" aimed at as not running said mile.

[missoni]

It sounds as though he has made his mind up and has tried to let you down gently without hurting your feelings. You will save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted time if you accept that painful truth and move on with your life and focus your attentions on somebody who reciprocates your feelings.

No matter how hard you try you cannot make someone  like you if they don't feel that way about you.

I don't mean to sound harsh, I do feel for you and wish you the best of luck.

[Evely]

Well, thanks for the insults, mystress.
Nothing like a rude slap in the face to add up to the pain I already feel. Thanks. I thought this was a place you WOULD NOT get isulted, for a change.

I usually don't "play" with people and don't use any "tricks".
I was just searching for a way to change my situation, as do all people who can't accept what recently happened to them.

Thanks, Loosehead and missoni, for the straight and useful answers. It's just hard to accept he claims to like me so very much that he still wants to see me.
I told him I can't be his friend. So I made a clear cut already.
But by telling me he still wants to see me, he gives me the obviously false hope there could still be something I could do or say...

Well, that's just how I feel right now. You really think I should move on? It would mean I would not "stay friends" with him, because I just couldn't do it.

[Morrisonker]

Does he want to be friends or 'friends', ie, does he still want to sleep with you?  A few of my male friends have pulled this line with girls they've been seeing and it basically amounts to them saying 'I want to sleep with other women but I want to sleep with you too'.  It's a horrible situation to be in, especially if you're still in love with him and I hope that if this is the case you respect yourself enough to steer clear.

Otherwise I'm afraid I agree with teh previous answers, be the stronger person and walk away.  If anything is going to change his mind about you it will be distance but if he won't change his mind then you need to be strong and not try and beg him or anything.  Good luck, I hope you get it sorted out.

[fly258]

Just ask yourself how he would feel about you if he read your question.

[Evely]

Thank you for your opinion. It's probably best not put myself in a "begging" situation.

As to the details: We didn't have sex. We were just crossing into "adult" territory when he chickened out. I think maybe he's unexperienced or has some other issues.
I hate to be the stronger one, because I am all the time. But ok, I'll be strong.
Maybe a little distance makes the heart grow fonder. Or time will heal my wounds. We'll see which rule will apply.
:-)

[Evely]

I wish I knew, fly258.
But I know what you're trying to make me realize.
Got it. Thanks.

[Mrs_Pegasus]

Simple response but apologies for the cliche

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours.
If they dont, it never was to be."

 

[mystress]

I am sorry if you saw my reply as an insult,it wasn't meant to be.I just say as I see,and if that hurts then you must have a "wound" about this already!

Tricking anyone over anything is not acceptable.

[jno]

strange and immature set of mind, hm, that doesn't sound in the least insulting. Evely, wish I could be more encouraging - in spite of what everyone says, people can sometimes be 'tricked' into seeing things differently, which I guess is what you were getting at; but to be honest, if you've had 6 months and he still doesn't want to commit himself, then I don't think he's going to. The 'trick' now is for you - not to regret the relationship you didn't get with Mr Wonderful, but to accept the entanglement you avoided with Mr Not Quite Sure - because that's who he really is. He may well be a nice guy, but passion on your side and nice guy on his isn't enough.

[angel4u2ave]

Hey Evely, I've read some of the other comments here & did u not mean "persuade" as opposed to "trick"?! It's besides the point anyway. I've just been in a similar situation. We stayed friends, then lovers again, then friends, etc. We're currently friends. And I have to say he's actually my best mate now! It wouldnt surprise me if we ended up together & married in 5 years time! If he wants to stay close & really means it then he obviously still wants u to be part of his life, u could try developing your friendship with him & c if it leads to more in the future. Even if it doesnt wouldnt u rather have him as a friend than not at all? It really does have to be his decision tho, if he felt pushed into a relationship he wasnt really keen on then he'd eventually resent u and u'd lose him anyway. I agree with "if u love someone set them free......." comment made on here.

I'll be interested to know how it turns out! Good luck anyway! x

[landie]

I'm sorry, it's a euphemism for 'I don't fancy you'.

[AllYourBase]

Stay close, don't push it, and see what happens. How you deal with the situation right now is critical. Don't be too put off, perhaps speak to him and let him know how you feel. Make sure he knows you could be mature about a future break up, and that the potential benefit is worth the risk.

[pixiewize]

About 6 months ago my boyfriend of 6 months ended it claiming that he just wanted to be friends, he didn�t want to be in a relationship but didn�t want to stop seeing me. I felt the same way as you, I didn�t understand why, things seemed to be going well. A few weeks later I heard a rumour that he was gay, when I confronted him about this he admitted it to me.  We are really close friends now but it is still difficult.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that there may be factors that you don�t know about, and if you really care about this person than friendship, although difficult, may be worth a shot.