Will it get better....

[Amber-Rose]

Will I ever be settled? He's just called it a day (by text) after 4 years, so I am going to have to move out of his house and find somewhere to rent (again). I am 39 no kids even. Hard to imagine this not being 'home' anymore and not seeing him again. Will it ever change for me? (just feeling miserable and sorry for myself) Fed up with starting again...

[Redrum]

Oh Amber, I do feel for you, I am bearing the burden of heartache after a recent split also so I do know what you are going through. I am afraid there is no magic cure, but I can say, hand on heart - YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU CAN START AGAIN, deep down you know you have the confidence to, just be kind to yourself for now. I must say he sounds very cowardly to have just sent a text, how heartless is that ? What has brought this on ? Is there someone else ? I dont have children either and Im slightly older than you, so I know you can move on, albeit very painful and raw at the moment, I wish you all the best, here for you if you want an ear.....I know it hurts, so so much...it does help to keep busy...thinking of you.

[Amber-Rose]

If I am honest, its not been right for a while, for reasons I know not. He doesn't deal with things, any problems he'll ignore me for a day or two, and if he doesn't want to do things he won't - regardless. Asked him to come put some flowers on my mum's grave - she is a few hours away. His reply was"Already been twice (in 4 years) and its not as if I knew her". He is not healthy for me, I know that, but I am so low its hard to even WANT to get out, if that makes any sense

[Redrum]

I believe in give and take, any relationship is very hard work, but its not always possible, he does seem a little selfish in his empathy towards you wishing to visit your mother's grave ? Totally heartless. I think we all have traits that annoys one another, but you just have to live with it the best you can, nothing can be 100% all the time as Ive found out. He should never ignore you, if he valued you as a person and partner he should value your views and opinions too. You will have heard all the cliche's no doubt - time wil heal etc etc, yawn ! It's taken me all the strength i have to get out of bed in the morning, I just want to lie there and feel sorry for myself....would he be prepared to talk to you about how he is feeling or why he has decided to finish ? My ex texted me asking me to ring him, then promptly told me he had moved his things out, he wont talk to me, totally ignores me, ignores my texts, emails - i mean how adult is that ?

[zzxxee]

look at it as the start of a new adventure not that its all doom and gloom. are you working are you ok finacially????

[No,Knowledge]

finacially..................................?

[Amber-Rose]

Thank you for your replies. I work full time, I will struggle financially but everybody single does, so I am not feeling sorry for myself, although its a worry. I left a marriage due to control - had to explain why I was over an hour in Asda, who I spoke to, & how it was all my fault I couldn't conceived (medical probs. made it a slim chance) etc etc, to fall into yet another controlling relationship, but control in a different way. I often get called 'dim' a 'retard' was a new name for me last week. A fcouple of years ago the unbelivable happened I fell pregnant but due to unbelievable pressure / threats and my low (or no) self esteem I had a termination, only to be told how disappointed he was in me because I was crying... (something I truly regret). My birthday came and went with no acknowledgment and yet he wonders why I am so miserable, am pathetic in begging him to be nice & include me in what he is doing. When he is 'nice/normal' I hang on to every word & action. Why am I crying over somebody who clearly is not good for me.

[Nannyjillx2]

Amber-Rose you are crying because when a relationship ends it can be traumatic even if you end the relationship yourself. I personally think it is good to cry rather than bottle it up.

You can do better than this excuse for a man and I agree with Redrum how cowardly to end it by a text. To me that sounds like the behaviour of a teenager not something a men would even consider doing.

You ended your first post by saying you are fed up with starting again but now you do have the chance of a brighter future. You can do what you want and go where you want and not live in fear of putting a foot wrong.

I was married to a very abusive man for many years - the last 4 years of my marriage I had a black eye or a broke rib or both or evidence of every week Why did I stay? I thought I couldn't live without him. Why? He had lead me to believe that and I was also called stupid and thick and nobody else would want me.

I'm now with someone who treats me as if I am the most important person in his life as I do him. I didn't go looking for him I met him at work.

One of things I did when I had the " I can't live without him" moments was make a list of all the things he's done ie I stopped going out with friends as he hated it and I'd knew I'd suffer for it, how he made me feel I was useless, etc etc and then made a list of all the things I wanted to do and would be able to do now I wasn't with him.

Stay strong.

It takes a great deal of courage for both of you to post when the feelings are so raw.







This man

[brucie1996]

By text after 4 years it's the pits..........Good luck in your new life................ you don't need him stay strong remember the old Gloria Gaynor song

[Amber-Rose]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. x