Talk to me

[dotred]

where do I find someone to talk to i am 76 very lonely but not interested in romance. my husband died 6 months ago

[cab]

I am sorry to hear that.
Maybe you could join some clubs and meet people in your area.
do you not have family ?
A big hug. xxxx

[sn�gs]

Hello dotred... plenty of people to chat to over on Chatterbank... if you have a thick skin :-)

[albaqwerty]

I know the library isn't supposed to be for talking, but a local bus to the library leads to familiar faces and a "good morning/afternoon"
You don't have to participate in the clubs activities (eg bowling) but it gets you out and about.
Sorry to hear of your loss.
x

[saxy_jag]

I suggest you try phoning your local branch of Age Concern. They should be able to give you details of all sorts of things like lunch clubs or special interest groups that you could join, and if you have limited mobility then they may be able to help with transport too.

Do you like reading? The library service I work for regularly takes groups of elderly and disabled people to libraries, not just to choose books, but also to socialise and enjoy a cup of tea and a natter. We also run book groups, and one branch (which is actually sited in our local Age Concern HQ) has a library club. They get all sorts of people in to give talks and run activities and workshops.

Also, try places like local community colleges and centres. They often run activities during the day, anything from Keep Fit classes to social groups. You're usually welcome because if these groups don't get members then they have to close.

You might also like to think about volunteering somewhere. Again, Age Concern or your local volunteer centre may be able to help you here.

You know, my widowed mother is 78. I wish she was more like you. She doesn't want to go out and meet people and puts up any obstacle she can whenever we try to persuade her, yet moans because she 'never sees anyone'. We really can't win.

[Whoever]

I'm sorry you feel lonely. You are obviously still grieving for your husband and I wonder if it would help you to talk to the Charity Cruse as they do bereavement counselling which might help. As you've got access to the internet why not look up your local branch of Age Concern as the offer a Befriending Service where a volunteer would visit you once a week.for a cup of tea and a chat. Also if you can get to your local library (or even phone them up) find out if there are any social groups around your area for older people. Your library may even have a reading group where you could meet others. If you have transport, think about joining U3A (University of the Third Age) They are a national organisation for retired people who have General Meetings once a month with a theme talk, and lots of different interest groups (art, music, history, antiques, etc. Their website will enable you to track down a local branch. If you're a members of the National Trust, they also have local groups with talks, outings, etc. Or even try putting a postcard in your local newsagents window saying "Local widow would be interest in forming new group for like minded people to meet regularly for a cup of tea and a chat". Often if you're prepared to cast your bread on the waters, something will turn up but I'm afraid it rarely does if you wait for it to come and knock on your door. All it takes is that first little bit of courage. Be prepared to be patient too as it takes a little time for people to open up when you first meet them.

[saxy_jag]

Lol at albaqwerty, re talking in libraries. Actually, we positively encourage it. Staid, stuffy librarians glaring over the tops of their specs, telling everyone to 'sshhhhh' is a stereotype the profession is anxious to dispel.

We have toddler groups with storytelling, homework clubs, elderly groups, craft sessions and family workshops among others. We do have quiet times, but it's not compulsory like it used to be. The latest project for our teenage readers is the transformation of Barbie Dolls into vampires and other monsters - part of the librarian's 'weird fiction' project.

[seadogg]

WRVS might help. The organisation is always looking for volunteers and is aware of people like yourself.

As a Meals on Wheels volunteer I found many people valued the daily contact, though can't say the grub was that exiting.

Being outgoing is fine but be cautious about advertising your need. You need also to be able to appraise yourself so that you may present yourself in the most favourable light.
Take comfort from the fact that you are in the very worst place now and you can look forward to things getting easier.

[padanarm]

I'm sorry to hear about your hubby, it takes time to get over the loss and there is no easy short cut. Perhaps you need to find someone to talk to about your loss rather than stuff in general?

But your question seemed to be about moving on and being positive so what would you say to a twenty year old who asked the same question? I bet you're still really twenty inside.

The first thing would be to have something to say. Do you have an opinion or view on the news or on TV? I'm sure you do and you can use that as a starting point.

You'd probably say talk to people you just nod hello to. Or start a conversation with someone in a shop. Perhaps learn to sing, dance, paint or play the ukelele. Or even join the Ramblers and go for a walk. Whatever, this is a chance for you to change who you are. I'm sure your hubby would support you.

AnswerBank can be a useful way of trying things out. Why not ask a few questions here - but stay away from Chatterbank unless you've got thick skin!

[brenda]

I'd be pleased to have a chat with you at any time.My name is Brenda and we are not too far apart in age.So if you want to leave a message and I'll get back to you

B renda.

[sophie_1003]

My grandma has been on her own for several years now after my grandad died and it took time but she joined an over 60s club, started going to bingo more just to get out of the house and has made friends there, gone on organised holidays, for example through Saga and she talks to everyone she can, she's made friends with lots of bus drivers for example! Have you any friends or family that you could talk to? Also, I like a good chat if you're ever stuck! Hope this helps!

[sara3]

dotred, my neighbour is 74 and lost her husband. she joined a bereavement club at our local church (she's not religious) and met new friends there. you may find it hard to take such a step, but you'll find lots of people you may have a bond with.

if you can't see something in your local paper you could probably ask at your doctor's surgery.

lots of luck to you x

[dotred]

Thanks to all who answered my question, i really appreciate it. I have now joined a couple of O.A.P clubs. I'm afraid I was having a bad day when i posted my question,I will get by, I guess I am lucky really. I do have my own car which I drive but it isn't much fun going alone. I am not very good at walking . Yes, I do have a family but they have their own lives to live Once again THANKYOU to you all As an old lady told me recently "you never get over it, you just learn to get on with it"

[~Wingnut~]

Bless you dotred, you appear to have a good attitude from your last post and your only human and are allowed to have down days esp so soon after your husband dying,

You say your family have their own lives to lead but I'm sure they wouldn't want you to feel lonely either so don't feel like you can't lean on them now and then I'm sure they would want to help.

All brilliant advice above and can only echo that you can always come on here and have a chat with us all. I shall look out for any posts from you dotred :o)

I do know there is a group of lovely ladies (& I think men too! don't want to appear sexist lol) on here that are affectionatley known as Biddybankers and open up threads to have a good old chinwag, I'm sure you would be welcomed with open arms (I'm not sure which topic they post under tho). Try to keep an eye out for them if you can. Hopefully they will see this and tell you about when they usually meet up.

xx Wingy xx

[tamborine]

dotred.....welcome - you've come to the right place for company. There are a few OAPs, mixed with 'all-age-range' on this site.

Your life experience and knowledge would be valued. nice that you can drive the 'super-virtual-highway'! ;0)

[Oneeyedvic]

I don't have anything productive to add to all the above practical solutions. However I spotted this advert in a local shop window:

1950s Classy Lady needs lots of TLC. Upholstery not bad, spare tyre included AA inspection a must. A few dog hairs, no smokers, gsoh. Would suit 50/60 yr old. Genuine replies only. Phone or Text Liz on ***** ******


I really liked it - though I suspect that Liz would have received a number of malicious texts - but maybe I am too cynical.

[cab]

Just thinking of you today and sending you a hug, lovely lady. xxxxxxxxxx

[Lucky2007]

Dotred, I think you are wonderful for being so honest, I have tears in my eyes. God bless you darlin. xxxxx