Grandson's Unacceptable Behaviour

[FoxLee2]

My grandson is 14 months old, a delightful child but he has developed this habit of clawing at you. He did it a few months ago but being younger, it was just a little scratching movement. He stopped it but has now started this grabbing at your, usually face,but also bare arms. There' s no apparent reason for it, for instance, he's not being teased by having a toy withheld from him. I babysat for a short time yesterday evening and three times he clawed my face, and it hurts!!. I told him 'NO', that's naughty and ignored him for a while. He played for a bit and then gradually came nearer and nearer to me and when I told him again that he was naughty, he put his head down. I could have just hugged him, but I didn't.
When his parents came back and I told my son, he said I should have smacked his hand but I don't think that's the right answer. Apparently the night before, he had grabbed my son's shoulder leaving three long scratches that had bled. He gets a look on his face before he does it, my son calls it his devil face, but he was born on the 9th of the 6th, not on the 6th of the 6th.

Is this a common thing - I don't remember my boys doing it as babies - and has anyone got any helpful advice. We do open his hand and make him stroke you and 'be nice' and give a kiss but a few minutes later, he can do it again. I imagine it's just a phase but I would really love to know WHY he is doing it.

[andy-hughes]

It is a common behaviour with babies, whop are learning sensations of touc, grasp and drag.

I think your way of coaxing him out of this is the best - holding has hand and firmly saying 'No ...' to him and encoyraging him to stroke rather than claw.

If he is leaving scratches, his nails are too long! With little ones, the best way to deal with nails is for mum and dad to bite them - sounds odd, but it's easier and safer than trying to trim them with scissors.

Be patient, as he gets older, he will learn the concept of hurting people, and that he mustn't do this, and as i said, it is very common, so don't worry about that. He is doing it for the reason that babies do all the things they do - because he can!

[FoxLee2]

Thank you for your sensible and encouraging answer. It's just that I had two babies 30 odd years ago and I don't recall this sort of behaviour from them. I do know the way to deal with babies' nails is to nibble them yourself and his parents do keep on top of making sure they are short. It's just that he really digs his fingers in when clutching a lump of flesh so even the shortest of nails, leaves a mark. Just hoping that this is a short-lived phase and that the next thing he does will be more pleasant. Needless to say, we still love him to bits.

[tigwig]

Yes this is really common behaviour. He is at the age where he is asserting himself and delights from the attention it gets him. Toddlers of this age revel in attention whether it is positive or negative.
My advice would be to firmly tell him no, then put him down and ignore him completely so he gradually learns he will get no attention at all from doing it. I wouldn't try and teach him to do it softly as he won't understand the difference.
Also, if you do get some warning he is about to do it, try distracting him before he does like saying oh look at that over there in a really exciting voice. Whenever he is playing nicely and being good, keep on really making a fuss of him and give him lots of praise. Over time he will learn it is much better to have positive attention and will love the praise and learn he gets ignored for unwanted behaviour. Good luck and don't worry, all toddlers have these little habits doesn't mean they will turn into monsters!

[FoxLee2]

He's a first grandchild so i can assure you he gets massive amounts of attention. Tuesday afternoons are my particular one to one time with him, mum disappears and I play with him solidly for 3 to 4 hrs. Then there are lots of other times when we babysit or he stays with us at the weekend - we only live a couple of minutes away so really do see him a lot. He's recently begun putting the rings on a plastic spike and we clap each one he does and give plenty of 'well dones' and 'clever boys'. Now he's building up the beakers, instead of just knocking them down when I do it and again gets massive praise.

If I had any warning of it, I would certainly get out of his way but he just does it out of the blue. I shall continue with the strong 'no' and the ignoring as that did seem to mean something to him last night.

[sherrardk]

Whilst I don't have any specific advice I thought I would let you know about our 'scratcher'.

We have 5 children with the youngest being 17 month old twins. Of the twins (one boy and one girl) it is our daughter who does the clawing thing - none of the others have ever done this. She also tries to bite and head butts the floor in temper when told off. When she does it we tell her no and make her 'be nice' - she just seems to do it out of sheer frustration (along with the biting and head butting). She receives the same amount of attention as her brother and so I can only put it down to her nature (they are very different characters!).

Having twins has really brought home to me the whole nature v's nuture thing.

I am sure that he will soon grow out of it - you just need to keep your wits about you until he does. (My older children all know now not to turn their back on their little sister in case she scratches or tries to bite them!)

[FoxLee2]

sherrardk - it's interesting what you have written about your twins but worrying that your daughter is still doing this at 17 months as my grandson is only 14 months! I really don't think it's to do with frustration in his case as we can be playing together and he'll just suddenly go for my face. Or we were at the window looking out for his parents' return and he just turned round to me and clawed my face. It happens so suddenly that it stuns you. I think I'll have to get him some thick gloves to wear permanently!!

[sherrardk]

Hello again - just to let you know that she does it in fits and starts - she will try to scratch your face quite a few times and when she realises she is not going to be allowed to she stops and then tries again a few days later. I don't think it is particularly associated with age I just think it is one of those things that toddlers do. (Or in our case, one of those things that one of our toddlers does!)