Ex partner being secretive regarding our son

[kazza202]

I have a 4yr old with my ex partner and we split up in january we wernt married but is on birth certificate so he has parental rights and responsibilities. he is now with someone else who he has been with for 4 months and he keeps me in the dark about everything. i recently found out that he has moved in with this person and has been having my son at weekends there which i didnt know about. as far as i am concerned if anything that he does that effects my son i feel that i have the right to know about it. also i have asked him not to bring her to my house when he picks our son up seeing as she has no reason to be at my house it makes me feel like my privacy is being breeched as he tells her things about me that are my private business i dont know anything about this girl i dont even know where she and him live which again makes me feel uncomfortable not knowing where my son is at he weekends. we have a mutual agreement regarding visitation but can i stop him having my son overnight and reduce his visitation to once a week on a saturday?

[bednobs]

what difference would that make - you still wouldn't know where he was regardless if it was for 1 day or 2 or 3?

I think it is reasonable to know where your son is, or at least be able to contact the father if needed when your son is with him.

You cannot stop him telling things about you to her - just stop telling him the thibngs you don't want her to know. You alkso can't stop her coming to pick your son up, as long as she stays outside -just don't let her in. Or alternatively, let her in and have a cup of tea so you can find out about her.

Look at it this way round. does he know where his son is every minute he is not with him? How would YOU like it if he said that because you had a boyfriend you could only see your son for 1 day a week, and not overnight??

[Mr Veritas]

I think bednobs has said it all,and correctly.
What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander.

[STIDW]

You are no longer together and day to day matters such as how and who with the children are to spend contact time is the Father's decision.

This is a Parental Responsibility schedule a judge attached to his judgement;

1. Decisions that could be taken independently and without any consultation or notification to the other parent.

* How the children are to spend their time during contact

* Personal care for the children

* Activities undertaken

* Religious and spiritual pursuits

* Continuance of medicine treatment prescribed by GP

2. Decisions where one parent would always need to inform the other parent of the decision, but did not need to consult or take the other parent's views into account.

o Medical Treatment in an emergency

o Booking holidays or to take the children abroad in contact time

o Planned visits to the GP and the reasons for this

3. Decisions that you would need to both inform and consult the other parent prior to making the decision.

* Schools the children are to attend, including admissions applications.

* Contact rotas in school holidays

* Planned medical and dental treatment

* Stopping medication prescribed for the children

* Attendance at school functions so they can be planned to avoid meetings wherever possible

* Age that children should be able to watch videos. ie videos recommended for children over 12 and 18.