Irresponsible Father or me over reacting?

[HJT40]

Now don't get me wrong I wholly agree that children should see their fathers (with the obvious exceptions!)

My daughter is 14 and sees her dad every friday night. He is re-married with a young son. They go away on holiday, but never take her, even when they go to see her grandfather.

Last week, unbeknown to me he had been off work all week sick. He phoned to see if he could pick her up early, not mentioning that he had got out of his sick bed to collect her. When I finally saw her on Saturday she told me that her dad had taken himself off to the hospital. Her step mum had dropped her at the local train station!

On facebook I found out that he had bacterial food poisioning - very contagious, it said! Great have they bothered phoning to tell me that? No. Yet they know my Dad is only just out of hospital after having a major op and any infection could be bad for him.

Oh and to top it all, they are away next week and can't have her, they are going on a family holiday.

Should I say something or keep quiet?

[redcrx]

was he aware of what was wrong with him before he collected her then? if so, Id say that was irresponsible, no matter how much he wanted to see her.

[HJT40]

I think she is not bothered about going to see him anymore. I was going to suggest making the visits every other week.

She knows that he did not see her for the first 4 years of her life and he won't tell her why. I could, but I think it is up to him.

Yes, he knew he was unwell before picking her up. He went back to bed when he got home. I am not sure that he is even bothered about seeing her. He never phones to see how she is when he doesn't see her. He never asks about anything. Just picks her up on a Friday and drops her in town on Saturday. No treats, no pocket money.......

[Sqad]

This will sort itself out over time, but for the moment, go with the flow, take the easy way out and don't look for submerged rocks.

[pinktwink]

does he know you have forund information about him on facebook. Really your daughter will make her own decisions best not to interfere he is her dad and at least he sees her regularly. Sure it may not be the ideal but there are many kids who have no contact with their dads. If you have any difficulties with the way he parents you neeed to speak to him directly focusing on your daughters needs only. Perhaps he is unaware there are any issues. He is the person you should converse with

[Nannyjill]

Do they go out on a Friday night? Is she used as a babysitter? Only asking as that is what the dad of a friend's daughter did so she coudl look after her younger half siblings.

Really your daughter's decision. Won't be long before she wants to go out with her friends.

[HJT40]

No, they don't go anywhere on a Friday night, well not together. They do get her to baby sit when they want to go out.

She has told me that she has more feelings for her step dad than she does her real dad, in fact she doesn't really feel anything for him at all. But I don't want her to lose contact because of her step brother.

[HJT40]

I should stop looking at Facebook! Just found out the reason they coud not have her this weekend is because they are going to see his father (my daughters grand-dad)! The best part being is that she can read all of this too and will, by now, know that yet again they have gone to see him as a "family" and not included her.............

[mrs_overall]

if you stop her going then you will forever be looked upon as the bad guy by everyone.
She's at the age now where she is old enough to make up her own mind - let her do so without making any comments.

A similar tale - my mother in law idolises my 2 sons but has never bothered with my daughter (14). She has made up her mind she doesn't want to visit her anymore.

[HJT40]

She has been saying for a long time that she doesn't want to see him anymore, but because I didn't want her to be hasty or uset them I encouraged her to go. I shan't anymore.

I guess all Mums hurt for their kids when they see someone being unfair to them.

To think there are some Dads out there who would give anything to see their children and don't get the chance!

[bednobs]

reading your story, it dosen't seem to me that he dosent want to see her - after all he got out of his sick bed to come and get her when he could have eaily phoned t say don't bother to cme. He could also hardly bring her back if he was in hospital, so dropping her at the station seems a good idea to me.
Perhaps there is a really good reason they dont take her to the grandads? (no space, grandad dosent want to see her etc)

[HJT40]

Her grandad loves seeing her. In fact he saw her from when she was born despite being told by his son that she wasn't his. They have commented before about why he doesn't take her up when she goes.

She commented a while ago that at her step brothers birthday party that she overheard someone saying to him that he had never mentioned that he had a daughter as well, which upset her a lot.

[Beanmistriss]

Please don't take this the wrong way - it's only a suggestion!

Are you sure your daughter is totally honest with you? Could it be that she enjoys some of the attention and your reaction when she tells you things? I'm guessing it's not a secret that you don't think much of him.

We took my step daughter and step son on holiday when she was 14. It was so horiffic that we didn't go on holiday again until his daughter was old enough we knew she wouldn't want to come. I imagine people without the whole story would thing that was wrong of us.

It may be worth you having a chat with him if you can to se if there are any problems or to tell him about yours and your daughters concerns.

[HJT40]

On the contrary, he and I have gotten along fine since he started seeing her. I have even had him, his wife and little boy round for dinner.

I keep overlooking things because it is easier. But then something will get to me and I realise all the things I have overlooked. He will not discuss anything "in the past", which includes yesterday.

Although I will let my daughter take the lead on this one and she can tell me whether or not she wants to see him, but she can also be the one to phone him to tell him.