please will someone tell me...

[stokemaveric]

what has happened to whiffey?? ive not been on here much lately...he helped me through my bad time last year...

[caththecrazy]

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Question809797.html

[stokemaveric]

oh my god....thank you cath....im gutted by this news,as we all are,whiffey posted some lovely thoughts when i lost my dad last year,asyou all did....im so sorry to hear this sad news....rip whiffey...and my sincerest condolonces to his family....

[caththecrazy]

Not sure if you've seen this

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Question809849.html

I didn't really know him but he was such a witty man

[ummmm]

Gutting isn't it?

I'm sorry about your Dad as well Stoke. I lost mine last year as well....it's still very hard :-(

[stokemaveric]

hi ummmmm it was his first anniversary [if thats the right word] on the 15th sept...it brought it all back all the terrible memories...sorry for your loss as well ummmm its horrible isnt it?

[ummmm]

Horrendous Stoke...it floored me for about 6 months. On his birthday after his death is the only time in my life that I had wine for breakfast. I'm a bit better now but still have flash backs. He died of cancer and the awful image of how he looked at the end pops into my mind for no reason. Still find them hard to deal with.

[caththecrazy]

I think the first anniversary of everything is the hardest. My dad died over 4 years ago and I don't think it's got any easier you just learn to live with it.

I think you expect your parents to be there for ever which is silly

[stokemaveric]

you 2 are soooo right ummmm my dad died of lung cancer...my god it was absolotley horrendous as you say the end,how they are...surely no one deserves that do they??? you are right it will never go away but hey you have to deal with it eh??? its people like you and me who have to be strong for the rest of our family isnt it?x

[zig.zag]

music thread on Bez

[ummmm]

I'm sorry to say but my family had to be strong for me, including my kids. I didn't deal with it well. I have since apologised to them for my lack of support for their feelings. They were very close to my Dad.

[stokemaveric]

i go to my dads grave now and i think ''i will be standing here when im 80'' [well with a bit of luck]...and i will never,ever forget the day i lost you...my dad was my hero and my best friend....i will love him forever i did the eulogy at his funeral and myself and my brothers carried hiis coffin into church...the hardest thing i and my brothers have ever had to do but we did it with pride..as we all love our parents...we only have 1 mum and dad and i can never understand how people fall out with their parents...i give my mum a hug and a kiss every day...she wont be here forever....

[caththecrazy]

We all have to grieve in our ways and the death of different people affects us in different ways. We lost our mum, dad and another family member within 18 months of each. I had a screaming match with my mother 2 weeks before she died and never got to speak to her again (although we'd never had a good relationship) when she died outwardly I was going with the flow but when my dad died I went to pieces and spent all day in bed for a month.

It's a strange but strong thing emotion

[ummmm]

The thing I found really hard to deal with was that when he went into a hospice I slept by his bed everynight. One morning I had to pop home because OH needed the car. I was gone 20 mins....he died then :-(

[caththecrazy]

That's often the way ummmm - I think we always blame ourselves when someone dies - we shoudl have done this done that - why did I go at the moment but in most cases there is no blame. It's just a natural instinct

[stokemaveric]

that is sooo sad ummmm...xxx you are right cath... you cant control fate...

[chappie]

That's very true cath. I remember when my mum died, I felt so consumed with guilt, I just couldn't eat. I went for about a week with no food, and at the funeral I was so weak I could hardly stand up. I had never experienced grief like it.

By contrast, when my long-term partner's mum died, she had been cooking a stew that morning, and the pan of stew was still on the stove when we arrived at her house, shortly after her death, and before the undertaker had arrived to take her away. I fell apart, I was distraught, but my (then) partner said it was pointless to waste the stew and he had a bowl of it.

I don't think for one minute he didn't feel as devastated as I did over the loss ..... he just coped with it very differently to me.