Pregnant and alone

[scottie77]

I have just found out im pregnant. The \"father\" doesnt want the child. He is an old friend who has lots of problems just now personally and professionally. It was a relationship of convenience after I broke up with my fiance. However i have been seeing my fiance again (although absolutely nothing has happened) and we are getting close again. My family and friends hate my ex-fiance. He left my family with paying for a wedding for absolutely nothing. I was devasted when he left and ive had lots of family problems myself since the breakup so the \"relationship\" with my old friend was kinda nice when i was feeling so low. Problem is now - what do i do? Im 37. I know i should know better - however i aint getting any younger - do I keep the baby and lose my ex-fiance forever or do what the father says and terminate it.
Ive been so daft - however i still have to make this decision what to do. Anyone help?

[cazzz1975]

I think only you can make the choice, why did you have unprotected sex though?? seems very irresponsible especially with a new lover.

[gossipgirl]

i cant tell you wether it would be best to terminate the pregnacy or not but what i can tell you is my story which sounds a little similar to yours and tell you what I did. I had come out of a really bad marriage and my confidence was at a all time low and like you i had a friend who was so supportive and became ''my rock'' through this time, obviously over a short time really we became close and started a relationship. Within weeks of being a couple i was ready to leave my home and family/friends to move in with him in another part of the country, and then i found out i was pregnant! ! ! straight away his attitude changed and he said he didnt want the baby and that things had gone to fast for him, i also found out that he had been taking cocaine in a big way (niavely i really didnt know he was doing that) and that because of his habit he was on the verge of losing his home and buisness. I decided on a termination as it was the best for ME and as hard a decision it was to make i feel that i made the right one. Things ended between us and i moved on. i then got close to a ex and even though i thought 'maybe we could give it another go'' i then realised that he was my ex for a reason and if he hurt me that bad once he will do it again. I can honestly say that walking away from both of my desions wads the best thing i ever did. Four years on ive met a wonderful man and went on to have a daughter together. I dont know if this wouldve helped you or not but i felt i had to tell you my experience. good luck scottie xxx

[scottie77]

been trying for baby with my ex-fiance for ages and nothing. had even had checks. i also suffer from a condition which you struggle to conceive

[scottie77]

thank you for your replies. sounds like you have had a hard time gossip girl 2. just in a quandry - and i suppose still in shock too.

[gossipgirl]

ah i see, so i dont suppose you want to go down the termination route if youve had trouble concieving which i can fully understand. Have you spoken to your partner to see if he would support your decision to keep the baby?

[4getmenot]

whether you thought you were able to conceive or not shouldnt come into it. You should have protected yourself too from SDI's. Anyways enough of the lecture no one can tell you what to do in this situation, it must be very hard to think about termination at an age when it could be your last chance. I think what I would is face the consequences and have the child and tell all to my fiance, if he cannot be a father to it that is his decision then.

[tamborine]

Have and enjoy your offspring for yourself - if you can afford to?

Marriage/partnerships are too precarious today to risk terminating a wanted pregnancy for.

[coccinelle]

I think you want to keep this baby or you wouldn't be asking for advice. This might be the only chance for you to being a mother and I can tell you being childless isn't easy on any woman. Yes, it'll be hard at times but all worth it. I'm not against abortion but feel it's too readily available and makes it harder for a woman who would like to keep her child from reasoning with family and friends, cos as they'll say you had a CHOICE. A baby however small is a life and there's nothing more wonderful.

[gossipgirl]

reading some of the comments i have to agree that you shouldnt give up what may be your only chance of having a baby for a relationship that has already failed. Tell him that if hes not prepared to support you in having the baby then he should jog on.

[coccinelle]

I agree with you gossipgirl. You chose abortion because that was what you felt was right for you at the time (I know you'll have had regrets because 99% of women do at some time in their lives). This might be scottie's only chance of being a Mum and fella or no fella, in the life of a woman there's nothing more wonderful than being a Mum.

[lil123]

I'm 37 and a single parent to a wonderful little boy.
I have a very good job and provide a lovely home for my son who wants for nothing.
Best decision I ever made to do it alone.
A few years ago I had nothing as I had to flee domestic violence but have built a good life up now.
I wouldn't be without my little boy and even through the tough times I know I made the right choice.
Like you said this could be your one and only chance, and having a child will not stop you from meeting someone nice.
I have met a lovely man who I have built a relationship with slowly because of my son, so don't think it's the end if you keep the baby.
Please make what ever choice is right for you x
Best wishes xx

[scottie77]

Thank you thank you to everyone who has replied. All very helpful. Your probably right - deep down I know this is probably my last chance and i would love to be a mum. FInancially? Yes, I could manage. The "father" too can manage so we wouldnt be without. So, all going well - looks like im gonna be a mum!! xx

[4getmenot]

Good for you!! Hope all goes well xx