the old ones are the best

[steg]

I got stung by a bee the other day.
He charged me 20 quid for a jar of honey.

I was driving down the motorway with the steggess the other day when we both got a bit frisky and decided to do something about it. So we decided we'd take the next exit, but it was a turn-off.

I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, 'here, this is stale mate.'
The shop-keeper said, 'no it's not.'
I said, 'yes it is. Check mate.'

I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

Two Aerials met on a roof, fell in love, & got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy said to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts"

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's bloody heavy."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat b4stard!"

"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a

[steg]

"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought, 'That's a turn-up for the books."

thank you & good night

[craft1948]

put it in a.................

[Panic Button]

What's your name,

Tim Vine?

[Postdog]

Bought a paper shop once - it blew away.

A man in a hot air balloon shouted down to an Irish farmer in a field ''where am i?'' the farmer shouted ''you cant fool me your up there in that little basket!

[Nannyjill]

You just have to laugh at how corney these are but still raise a chuckle.(and at least I can understand them)

[annie0000]

need some good ones for the kids to use for 'Guising at Halloween - anything clean?