how do you refuse a date?

[cazzer_1]

What's the nicest way to tell someone you don't want to go out with them? I just got asked out and everything I thought of ("you're not my type", "er, no thanks" etc) seemed really harsh! I can never find a suitable answer when you're asked directly. Any suggestions?

[twiglet4frog]

that u are flattered and that under normal circumstances u would like to know them a lot better, but at the moment u hav had a bit of a rocky time of things with relationships and u just dont want to get involved in another for a while. but u will bare them in mind if u feel better within yourself. then try and suggest ways they might meet other girls?

[Grunty]

That's really nice Twiglet.

PS - I like the deliberate spelling mistake in 'BARE them in mind'.

[cazzer_1]

Now why couldn't I have thought of something like that?! Thanks very much twiglet, I'll remember that one!

[nicola_red]

I'd probably say you're interested in someone else.  Seems the kindest thing.

[Tock389]

Whatever you do, PLEASE don't ignore the person who has asked you out. I asked a girl out I met through work a few weeks ago - she said she was busy, and I left it ten days and asked her again - she hasn't replied, more than a week later. I feel awful, especially as I have to speak to her about work.

Just say that you want to be just friends and nothing more, but don't let things stew.

[kazzee69]

If you give too softer answer full of false hopes like 'I'm going through a hard time at the moment' this implies that when you aren't going through a hard time you would consider going out with this person. I think the nicest way in the long run is the 'I'm sorry but I don't look at you in that way but I hope we can still be friends'

[jno]

kazzee's right, don't leave people with false hopes. If you don't want tell them the truth ('In your dreams, Quasimodo!'), then nicola's suggestion is I think the gentlest let-down.

[dmsjps]

I agree that twiglet and nicola's answers are nice too. If he doesn't know you very well, you could actually tell him you're with someone already.

[landie]

"Oh, how sweet, perhaps when you're fitter".

[dmsjps]

Oh landie, that's sooo mean! But then again, what's the point of life without a sense of humour?!

[dmsjps]

My mum told me that when dad kept pestering her to go out with him, she told him to get to the back of the queue! Poor old dad stopped pestering, so eventually she asked him out!

[cazzer_1]

Thanks for all the advice, I turned him down without giving a false hope (or so I thought), but this morning I was handed a letter saying how much he liked my smile and he loved the thought of coming to work because he would get to see me! And could we just be friends if I didn't want to go out. I felt really bad and ended up giving him my number but I'm sure he's got more on his mind than friendship, and now am thinking that was a really bad idea. Help! I've probably now given out that false hope, haven't i?

[dmsjps]

You know you have cazzer! Well hopefully he'll be happy being friends, but if he starts being a pest you'll have to be more direct with him. It's being fair to him in the end, better than stringing him along when nothing's going to come of it.

[Mistopheles]

There's always 'sorry, I'm gay', but this has a habit of either backfiring or of being found out.

[Andy008]

Any man with an ounce of nous more than the next person will no you are being insincere. When a woman says "I'm not ready for a relationship now" or something equally fake, that's rubbish. The simple fact is that if a woman is sexually attracted to a man she will make time, whatever the circumstances. Having spent the last 5 years working in sales and marketing, and much of this in the double-glazing trade, I am qualified to say that the vast majority of people are shockingly bad at lying.

What you actually say to someone is of minimal importance, unless you are a hardened criminal or a trained actor, your body language will always give you away.