How do I get over this marriage split?

[joannewatson]

I was with my husband for 15 years and we had a great relationship for 12 of those, I considered him my soul mate (and still do). However, from the day I told him I was pregnant it went downhill. My son is now 2 and a half. We split 4 months ago and he moved out because I found out he had been having a relationship for at least 18 months. I gave him another chance and we got back together briefly for about 3 or 4 weeks, but he ended it and got back with her. I was heartbroken, then he said he had made a mistake and begged and begged me to get back with him. I was strong and said no but we could be friends and see what happens. I'm glad I did because he has admitted he wants to be with her again and is currently trying to get back with her. We are friends and I want it to be like that especially for the sake of my son. But I am finding it so hard, and after everything he has done I still really love him. I feel like I will never be happy again and the future just seems so bleak. I know people are going to say its normal to feel like this but I just cant imagine being with anyone else.

Am I just torturing myself by spending time with him and is it best to have some space to get over him before we try and be friends?

[daffy654]

This is all still too raw for you to be thinking straight about the whole thing.
You mustn't push him away and cut him out of your son's life.You will get over it but it will take as long as it takes.Try and make a new circle of friends for yourself and limit the time you have to just sit around thinking about him and what you have lost.Look to the future for both yours and you son's sake.

[joannewatson]

Thanks Daffy. I would never cut him out of my sons life no matter how bad it was, my son comes first in everything. When he see's his son we spend time as a family and I wondered if it might be easier for me if he took him alone. Its rare I can get a sitter and my mum passed 7 years ago so it is hard to get out and be busy, plus I work full time so feel I need to spend my spare time with my son. I know you are right though, thanks x

[lil123]

I was with my ex husband for nearly 20 years before I left him 3 years ago.
I felt like this for maybe a good 18mths after I left and did try again with him a few times but realised that I couldn't go back to how he was. (He was violent and there was a lot of domestic violence)
Even though he did all this to me I still loved him so it was hard to make the complete break.
I moved to a new town and got a new job, new friends etc and re built my life.
It isn't easy but it can be down.
You deserve to be treat better than he has treat you and it's not so bad doing it alone either!!
Make a plan of how you want your life to be and don't think of being in a new relationship yet, have one with yourself first x

[TTG]

Beats how you can love someone who cheats and/or is violent to you.

[TTG]

Sorry missed "me after Beats"...

Beats me how you can love someone who cheats and/or is violent to you.

[4getmenot]

TTG - because you dont fall inlove with a voilent person or cheating person to start with.

[4getmenot]

woops violent

[Androcles]

Try chasing him down the road waving a very large golf club - worked for Mrs Woods!