Getting married, who pays for what?

[tamirra]

Who still agrees that the parents of the future bride should pay for their wedding, i still think that they should, does anyone also agree with me on this, and what is the actual tradition nowadays? Thanks

[tamirra]

No Redhelen your wrong, he would take my side on this, she caused a row not so long ago with my daughter and myself, and he turned round to her and said if she dosnt stop causing trouble with his family then the relationship is over, i know this for a fact as she told me what he had said to her.

[trionam]

When I was planning my wedding (which me and my husband paid for) my mother in law kept on at me about getting this or that things like favours chocolates etc which werent important to me in the end I said to my husband she can have whatever she wants as long as she pays for it and sure enough the chocolates were on the table,I dont think you are being at all unreasonable wanting to invite a friend especially if your son said it was ok I believe both guest lists should be equal. I think just bear in mind that the planning is extremely stressful and maybe if you give her some space you could bring it up with her and your son at a later date but ultimitly its up to your son to say who he wants on his guest list.

[karenmac60]

Is that what you are looking for? To cause enough trouble that he ends the relationship in order to back you up? What if he then doesn't get to see his child either? You won't be able to get him to bring the child round then, will you? And when he's heartbroken and alone, who is he going to blame for it? You. You are playing with fire here and you could lose your son and your grandchild over it. Did you ever think maybe your son doesn't want your friend invited? Maybe he just went along with your wishes for a quiet life - that's ok for him to do, but not to go along with his future wife for the same reason? You sound very spiteful and just like my own mother in law who did the exact same thing in respect to my husband and I's wedding. The result? My husband has very little to do with her now and she's a sad lonely bitter old woman as a result.
Oh and btw, my husband has been very ill and I have looked after him and done all the cooking cleaning housework etc for 3 years now as well as working, and do you know why? Because I love him and it's no one's business but ours who does what.

[tamirra]

Thank you trionam at least i have somebody who understands where im coming from, as for Karenmac im not a bitter OLD woman, and my son would choose his family over his partner any day, i know that for sure, and if you knew her and what she is like you would too.

[Meridianman]

This has got to be a wind up. No mother in law can be this bad surely?
Keep your 1500 quid and your nose out of it love. Seems you'll be much happier then,

[KARL]

If asked for advice I would suggest you forget inviting anyone to the wedding, decide on what you want to give the couple as a present (things or money or both), wish them well (genuinely) and stay out of the whole issue of the wedding altogether. Express to them your desire for a harmonious relationship between them and you (including children) but that you will not force your will on them in any shape or form (and mean it). Then you will stand with your dignity (minus some for past tantrums) intact and simply wait to see what emerges once things have settled down. There is absolutely no mileage in starting off with a fight against the bride and/or her family whether directly or by proxy.

[karenmac60]

I didn't say you were old, I said my mother in law is. But you seem proud that he would choose you over any other woman! That is not healthy. Would you have been happy for your husband to choose his mother over you? She is the mother of your grandchild, show her a little respect and stop meddling in your son's relationship. If he is old enough to have a child of his own, he is old enough to make his own choice of partner. You sound very stubborn and you will not rest till not only your son agrees that his fiancee is a waste of space, but until everyone on here does too. And lets face it, this has very little to do with who does or doesn't get an invite to the wedding, you just don't like her and would rather keep your big boy all to yourself.

[bednobs]

it mst definately comes accross that way - i cringed when i read the "he would choose us over her" comment

[tamirra]

bednobs, he would, no doubt!! I will be going to the wedding if there is ever one, and i will keep my feeling to myself as usual, but he will not ever be happy with her, he needs to grow a back bone and stop seeing things in rose tinted goggles and see it as it is.

[ELVIS68]

The easiest way is to marry someone who`s parents are well off, I was well chuffed when my future father in law gave me a cheque for £2000

[bednobs]

you really really sound bitter, i feel sorry for you now, not just your D-I-L
the problem would be if he grew a backbone he might just tell you to shove off too!

[tamirra]

He would never in a million years do that to me, he sent me a text not long ago, saying how much he loves me and his father and he thinks about me and his father daily and is so grateful that he has parents like us, so i cant be such a old dragon now can i??

[ummmm]

How long ago?

[Teleph0ne]

There are some vile poisonous people on here, why would your son hate you for wanting to go to his wedding? You don't sound like a bad person just a concerned mum who wants the best for her son

[ELVIS68]

lol @ ummmmm

[tamirra]

Thank you telep0ne for that, and too ummmm it was on Monday actually, not so long ago, and after all this had happened.