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Have been here and got the t shirt. Can I suggest that you leave them to it. Side with your husband to be and let son get on with his strop without an audience. Do not reward his bad behaviour with any response at all. From what I remember he is 17. Tell him that you don't have to put up with him treating your home and family in this way and there is a door which he can go through if he doesn't like your rules.
Do not give him any money if he does not toe the line and refuse to do anything for him if he does nothing for you. ie his washing or cooking.
Good Luck
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