I don't feel how I'm supposed to?

[lorla]

I don't have a good relationship with my mother-in-law and after many months of counselling last year, decided I just wouldn't bother with her anymore - she's a nasty, spiteful, selfish bit of work. I told my husband I had to take a step back and not play a role in her life anymore because I couldn't cope with her evil ways. He understood and said it was OK.

She's now been diagnosed with a brain tumour and is having it removed next week. I just don't feel anything. I don't feel sad or upset or anything and that's totally alien to me.

Such a strange mix of emotions. I think I ought to be upset but there's nothing inside me. Anyone experienced anything similar?

Will totally support my husband 100% because no one else seems interested in helping (going to appointments / aftercare etc) because his Mum has no friends and family aren't interested because of how she treats people.

Argggg feel confused, guilty, empty?!

[snags]

You cannot suddenly change how you feel about your Mother in law just because of her current situation. As you say, put all your energy towards supporting your Husband.

[society]

You don't have to be friends with her. Just be kind and polite, and helpful when you can if she need you.

[LoftyLottie]

There is no reason why you should be sad and upset for her, but obviously your husband is feeling sad and upset and you are supporting him 100% which is lovely. I felt nothing when my Mother in Law was ill and dying. I felt sorry for my husband, but I never really liked my mother in law and didn't feel emotional towards her. I felt nothing. She was being cared for and that was what important.

Just accept that you are quite natural. Don't feel guilty - you are doing your best for her and your husband and that is what is important.

[MarkRae]

I agree with snags.

[yinyang]

Neither my husband or I speak to his mother, who I understand has a lot of health problems these days. Like you, I can't bring myself to feel any real pity for her. She used to make up / exaggerate illnesses for attention and now she's got what she wished for.
I think you are taking the right approach in giving your support to your husband as he is bound to be affected by this. We're still close to my husbands sister and I do sometimes ask how her mum is because I know it can put a strain on her. I honestly wouldn't care if the woman died tomorrow but I'd be very upset at how it would affect my sister in law and our niece and would do everything I could for them.
So no, you're not alone in feeling like this. Keep a polite distance, and be there for your husband.

[Nosha123]

Aaah lorla you sound lovely.. and have had a tough relationship with her and still persevered to try and resolve it - sadly.. since she is the one with the personalty problem.. unless you can change her you dont stand much chance. Support your husband all the way and comfort him when he needs it - and dont criticise his mother to him... (i know it can be hard..we dont see my MIL at all now cos she was a COW)
A brain tumour - depending on where it is.. can affect her personality and temper too! (I'm not saying she might suddenly be nice.. she may actually be really horrid and say mean things) so try to bear that in mind from now on. My cousins best friend had one - and each time it grew a bit more... it was pressing on the parts of the brain controlling emotion... and she used to lash out at her Husband. He was devastated as it was not like her at all and so very upsetting!
Good luck!

[lorla]

Phew....thanks all, I feel reassured! Relived to hear no one expects the emotions to just 'come'. That's really helped - thanks.

Nosha123 you make a good point and in fact we have already been told she may behave differently after the op. It's a slow growing tumour and has been there for years without her knowing so maybe removing it will give me a new MIL!

Thanks all.