I want a baby but my partner is married

[Nippa]

I've been with my partner for a while now in a lesbian relationship, but she is still married to the father of her 3 kids. This wasnt a problem for me previously as I understood there was nothing between them. I have decided I really want a baby - she does too. However, I told her that I couldnt go ahead with it while she was still married - it just wouldnt feel right for me. My partner said I was being silly and there are no more legal rights for me or our would-be baby whether she was divorced or not. This is not just about legal rights - it would just feel wrong to have a baby with someone who was married already. I know I should have thought about this in the earlier days but I never thought I'd ever want kids and now its all I can think about. I love her so much and wouldnt ever want to be without her but this is getting me down so much and I dont know what to do

[jackthehat]

They would have to have long complicated discussions to sort out the dynamics of the relationship, Dot.

[sara3]

Dot, please don't drag this out.. it's painful!

[dothawkes31]

Ahhh, so it's pretty much like every other relationship in history, not linked to the inner self at all

[jackthehat]

Pretty much...............

[dothawkes31]

is that because I am respondong in my usual elongated way sara or is it just painful?

[jno]

being a lesbian hasn't really got anything to do with it; it'd be the same if your partner was male. And I'd still think it wasn't a great idea. That she has other children doesn't really matter either; that she can't make the break with a past partner is a problem, and I'd be wary of having a child with someone who wasn't exactly committed to it and to you.

[sara3]

no, it's just painful. do stop!

[grasscarp]

and think of the child who would probably end up with a single parent mother and an absent mother and an unknown father. Confused or what.