Dads again

[karenmac60]

My mum was in hospital yesterday and was getting out today. My dad was meant to go and get her but there was a mix up and she ended up contacting me and I took her home but she still couldn't get hold of my dad. It turned out he was next door, but he has a habit of going of to the pub when no one is looking so my mum expected the worst and was quite upset. They ended up having a huge fight and I left them to it. My dad has phoned me 4 times since, ranting and raving about my mum and how he didn't do anything wrong. As far as she's concerned, it was a mix up and she's sorry and she just wants to go to her bed and forget it. But he seems to expect me to side with him. Anyway, I ended up losing the plot with him and we had a huge fight during which he said some really horrible things to me, and now he's emailed me saying he's finished with me. I'm so angry at him, my mum doesn't need this just now and all I did was try to help only to be called a c*** by my own father. I don't really have a question, I'm just really upset and I don't know what to do now.

[ummmm]

Your Dad called you a c***....Nice....!!!

Is he like this often?

[karenmac60]

No. I get on really well with him and have always been closer to him than to my mum. He does have a bit of a temper but he has never called me anything like that before - I don't think I've ever heard him say that word before!

[ummmm]

Maybe just put it down to stress and a bit of guilt for letting your Mum down when she needed him.

[karenmac60]

Why can't he just say that then? He can't admit maybe he was at fault and instead is trying to blame everyone else. I'm so hurt.

[cherrychapstick]

he is maybe just annoyed with the mix up situation and it just so happens you have got the brunt of his annoyance just give him a day to calm down and hopefully everything will turn out ok x

[ummmm]

People are like that Karen....attack is best form of defence.

[welshlibranr]

Karen, I just think that it's been a very stressful time for all of you, and your dad just couldn't cope with it all! I would try to forget about it, not easy, I know, but try to put it behind you and talk to your Dad tomorrow, when he's had time to calm down.................it's not worth falling out..............you all need to get along at present for your mum's sake................hope it works out for you.....................

[society]

Perhaps he was drunk? No amount of stress should cause him disrespect you (or your mum) like that.

[karenmac60]

I know, it just hurt cos he's my dad and I know he has his faults, but I always defend him to everyone else yet he has turned on me for no reason.

[Mamyalynne]

Let the dust settle Karen and am sure all will be well soon, it sounds as a family you are in a stressful situation and emotions can run high at these times.
Mamya ♥

[Kassee]

Dont do anything - leave them to it. Time will heal and Im sure everything will return to normal between you all. Try not to dwell on hurtful things that are said in the heat of the moment, especially if yr dad has a bit of a temper.

[welshlibranr]

sorry society, stress can cause folk to behave in this way! He probably did feel guilty tha the wasn't around to collect his wife from the hospital, but felt agrieved that he had been accused of being in the pub, when he wasn't, and then became very angry as a result of the stress this all caused....................

[karenmac60]

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling a bit weepy so I think I'll just go to bed, but I appreciate all your answers.

Karen
x

[cherrychapstick]

ok Karen night try not to think about it too much things will be better in the morning

Sweetdreams xx

[ladyalex]

I can appreciate that you are feeling very hurt...and with good reason. After all you are entirely blameless in this scenario.
I don't think you should do anything at all for a day or two, then, when you are feeling a bit calmer, try to work out what you want and if it is going to be possible for you to get it.
I would guess that ideally you want your Dad to humbly apologise for the mix-up, the row with your Mum and most of all for speaking to you in such a terribly unkind way.
I would also guess that this is very unlikely to happen.
So...you have to figure out what else would make you feel better about both yourself and your Dad. Maybe when both you and he are calm, telling him how hurt you were by his words and actions would help ?
If you do this, though, you *really* have to try to stay calm and stick to just saying what you want to say, not entering in to any kind of discussion with him about anything else.
Alternatively, you may feel that he has just crossed a line and any further approach has got to come from him. Your call.
One last thought...does he have an alcohol problem ? It is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour, which was truly shocking, but , if he does, it would be something to take into account when you next have any 'important' conversations with him.
Good luck.

[Mamyalynne]

Karen no one is saying you shouldn`t feel hurt, they love you and all will resolve, sleep well tomorrrow is another day.

Night

M

[k8bailey]

Karen it's probably just stress and it'll all blow over! Hope your mum is ok, and that everything works out for you all.

[treborrobert]

this is easy to answer ... he is your dad....... dads say stupid thing when angry do the mean it.. NO !! will he be regret saying it YES !!
will he say sorry and agree he was wrong about your mother . NO !! male pride...

how do i know all this ? because i am a dad of 4 grown up kids
go round and sort it out .. dont take no for a answer or it will get out of control