mothers and their kids

[ultraman]

Why is it when a mother walks away from their sons or daughters because they met someone else
then years later they want to meet their kids and then the kids tell them to take a hike. then the mother is sad and cries so why are the kids the bad guys. I knew someone in this situation and when his dad remarried his step mom treated him like a son . his real mom wanted to get to know him and he wanted nothing to do with her some of our other friends told him he was wrong and he should forgive her why should he have too?

[Canary42]

No reason at all why he should forgive - if he wants to continue to nurse his bitterness (which is quite understandable, don't get me wrong) then it's up to him.

However he should perhaps pause and consider that by cold-shouldering his real Mum he is in a sense replicating her original behaviour in abandoning him.

Having said that, it also depends on the real Mum's motives - are they selfish or altruistic - it would make a difference to me I'm sure. A lot depends on the circumstances, and condemning the lad is very presumptuous (and somewhat smug and self-righteous)

[DAWNU1]

I knew someone years ago who walked out on her husband and four children. She changed her surname and only lived about 25-30 miles away. When she resurfaced the two older children could not forgive her but the younger two did. Why did she leave? to live with another man? NO. She left because her husband used to hit her and she had become a single mum she would not have got all the income support and benefits that single mothers get now. She knew he would not hurt the kids which he didn't. Her best option was to leave and start a new life.

[aims1202]

ultraman, how could she be 100% positive that her husband wouldnt hurt the kids when she was gone? she left her kids with a violent man and he could have started hurting them instead
but in answer to the question i agree if you cannot forgive your mother eventually then you will never be free from the pain and that is worse to live with in my eyes it could take a long time though. but i dont think they should have to and others telling them will not really help

[aims1202]

sorry that should have been to DAWNU1!

[ummmm]

I think aims that most men who hit their wife do it as a form of control over them.

[aims1202]

i agree but that still doesnt mean they definately won't do it to their kids