Should I meet my estranged father

[huddspur]

My dad was very abusive to my younger brother particulary after he'd been drinking. He used to go out get drunk and then he'd come home and beat my brother. This used to happen regulary for years until my mom finally kicked him out and told him to never come near us again. That was 5 years ago.
I recently got a message on my facebook from my dad saying that now I was 21 he would like to come back into my life. He admits he was wrong for what he did to my brother and said he has seeked therapy and that he'd even like to make it up to him. I don't know what to do as he is my father and he never hurt me directly but on the other hand he used to get a thrill out of mercilessly whipping my brother with a belt

[MarkRae]

No-one can answer this question but you...

But, if it were me, I'd tell him to get stuffed and send a couple of my mates to see him to make sure he understood...

[trt]

MarkRae, you are a prat.

Give him a chance huddspur but do it slowly with a few phone conversations first and ask your brother how he feels.

[MarkRae]

>> he used to get a thrill out of mercilessly whipping my brother with a belt

> MarkRae, you are a prat.

Well, one of us certainly is. Perhaps you condone child abuse...?

[Eve]

I'd be tempted to speak to the rest of the family about it.

It is, of course, your decision but I'd be worried about affecting your relationship with your brother and mother if you get back in touch with him, especially as they have been with you all along.

[huddspur]

I've already asked my mother about it and she says its up to me if I want to do it. My brother still hates my dad (understandable after what he did) so I don't know how he'd react

[shiznit]

You could end up loosing your brother, understandably he still has a lot of hatred for your father, and despite him not having touched you, there has to be some kind of loyalty to your brother. No one deserves what your brother got, especially from their own father, a parent is there to protect you form the world.

I agree with Mark though, anyone who hits kids needs some "special understanding" applied

[brenda]

Think you should not get involved with this man who has just re-appeared in your life.
Show loyalty to your brother, and remember the suffering he went throughas a child.

The man does not deserve to be classed as a father.

[Sqad]

Mark is spot on.

BUT....perhaps you should give the "sucker" an even break.

Meeting him doesn't imply bringing back into your life, so what have you got to lose?

[Bbbananas]

Mark Rae is not a prat... Mark Rae actually makes a very good point - one which I agree with.

No-one should "get a thrill out of mercilessly whipping with a belt" then seek a loving forgiving family reunion just like that.

Only you can decide, but I would be inclined to tell him to s0d off.

[ummmm]

What if he has changed? What if he no longer drinks because of what he done?

It could go one way or the other. She could look at him and realise he's not worth the effort or she could end up with a loving father that he's denied her for the last 21 years.

[sara3]

your brother may never forgive you. you need to speak to him first if you're seriously thinking of meeting your father.

[sara3]

huddspur has previously posted a controversial question. I may reserve judgement!