Dear sir or madam

[GuavaHalf]

I write a lot of letters addressed 'Dear Sir' because I do not know the name of the person to whom I am writing. I know that really I should write to 'Dear sir or madam' but that seems rather contrived and an ugly way of starting a letter. Is there a better opening phrase to use or should I stick to Dear Sir?

[JudgeJ]

This will almost certainly offend some of our more enlightened readers but I should stick to "Dear Sir". As you say, "Dear Sir or Madam" does sound a bit clumsy. Dear Sir is certainly presumptuous, but then I cannot get on with the "Chair" of a committee. Chairman, I'm afraid, until I know the gender. A chair is something the chairman or chairwoman sits upon. 

Somebody needs to develop a gender-neutral vocabulary for these sort of things otherwise the World and her Husband will always be asking these questions!

[soozmac]

to whom it may concern is a decent enough way to start a formal letter, without getting into any sexism arguments....

[Octavius]

More often, it is usual to write "Dear Sirs" 

[heatherglen]

If you don't know the name - it is Dear Sirs.

[bernardo]

I am astonished to read the answers given so far.  I would regard "Dear Sir" as being contrived and ugly and clumsy, as well as blatantly sexist and therefore intrinsically offensive.  The correct form when one does not know the gender of the addressee would surely be "Dear Sir or Madam", which is not in any way pretentious or clumsy or ugly or contrived or artificial or vacuous or pompous or bombastic or derogatory or vambocuent or cretacious or ridiculous or spasmodic or

[bernardo]

Where did the rest of my answer go???  I wrote in lots more adjectives after that.  I'm not going to bother to write them all out again.

[GuavaHalf]

Good

[commoner]

..LOL....hey bernado.....why not, Dear Madam or Sir ?...no complaints then, as at least Madam and Sir are used in alphabetical order........only fair, as other wise you could be accused of favouring the boys ..........What would YOU think if you received such a letter? <G>

[Octavius]

If you know you are writing to an individual female, but don't know the name you would address them as Dear Madam, if you know you are writing to an individual man and you don't know his name you would address them as Dear Sir.  It is generally acceptable to use Dear Sir or Madam if you don't know the sex of the individual, but if you are writing to an organisation in general and you don't know if it is a man or a woman (i.e. writing to whole departments) then you would address the organisation as Dear Sirs.  Alternatively just write 'To whom it may concern'.

In all instances you would use Yours faithfully. 

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/94q2/pcletter.html

[Loosehead]

I was taught at school to write Dear Sir unless you know it's a woman. This has not changed as far as I know. I can see why some may find it sexist but really it's not intended to be. Dear Sir or Madam is totally ugly I agree.

[Octavius]

But Dear Sir (stroke) Madam is a request!

[Pollyfrance]

In France a letter is started by wrtiing   Madame ou Monsieur, but never Cher Madame ou Monsieur

[Octavius]

Wouldn't a Madamoiselle be offended?

[Shipstabber]

If 'Dear Sir' isn't sexist then why don't you address all letters 'Dear Madam'?

[Octavius]

How about...

Dear Gentlepersons of gender and otherwise

?

Obviously though, if you were writing to me you would need to put 'The Honourable.....'.

[lady_p_gold]

I always put Dear Sir/Madam ....  can't see what is wrong with that.  If you are a  man and all your letters came addressed Dear Madam ... how would you feel about it ??? Because that is how  it can feel to a woman. Incidentally how many people even know how to write the female equivalent of Dear Sirs ????? which we once had to do writing to three ladies who shared a home.  I believe it is Dear Mesdames.  Its so rare nobody has ever heard of it!

[Octavius]

Yes, Dear Mmes.

Hmmm, haven't used that in a long while.  But then I haven't used Dear Messrs either for donkeys years.

[jno]

lady_p I guess that dates back to the 18th century or so when the French were the world leaders of polite society - savoir faire, comme il faut and all that; so dear Mesdames, dear Messieurs. That would be before they sank the Rainbow Warrior, of course.

[lady_p_gold]

Well exactly my point.  If you have an organisation of all females. you would still have to put Dear Mesdames nowadaays as we did recently on letters from our office.  You couldn't put Dear Madams could you (it was not that sort of firm!!!)   It just shows you how people nearly always put Dear Sirs.    Aw .. the Rainbow Warrior, yes remember that.

[chicory]

I too am astonished to read the answers given so far. I was taught that 'Dear Sir/Madam' was the norm if you didn't know who you were writing to. Never was I taught 'Dear Sirs' but I certainly do regard it as sexist and if any expression should have gone out with the Ark it should have been this one!