Ok what do you all think of this........................Daughter has just admitted she is

[lilacben]

addicted to laxatives. But as it turns out it is far worse, laxatives,pesseries , Ali and Adios.!! All at once.! But has not lost any weight for a while now.! Her partner and us have just found out and her partner has decided to leave her.!! THey have three children 9,8,3. He says he cannot cope and doesnt love her any more.! I feel she has been badly let down. Now she has admitted to the doctor she has problems the doctor is sending her to see someone. How will my daughter be able to cope with three young children and an eating disorder with out the support of her partner.! Her dad and I are here but is that enough.!

[4getmenot]

I get the feeling the laxatives have nothing to do with breakup. If your partner has a problem as big as that and you love them you stick with them through it and help them. I feel he is just using it as an excuse and wanted to leave her anyway.

[ummmm]

She'll have no choice but to cope if she wants to keep hold of her children.

You'll just have to be there for her as and when she needs you.

[boxtops]

I feel very sorry for her - she must have been desperately unhappy with herself to be trying to change her perception of herself with all that stuff. Her partner sounds charming - could cope with her self-dosing, but now she's admitted it (brave woman) and is trying to get some help, he's cleared off. Great. All you can for is to be there for her - it depends what happens when she's referred as to what the next steps are. Good luck - let us know - and do tell your daughter what a big step it is, admitting her problems, I really applaud her for that.

[bednobs]

the eating disorder is just a smokescreen. The partner has probably had to put up with a lot for a long time. When people are mentally ill like that, it's often the ones around them that cop the flack

[LoftyLottie]

Bullimia is said to be a sign of not having any self worth. I had a friend who suffered from it because her husband underminded her confidence. I tend to agree with 4get on this. Perhaps her problems have been brought about because of the relationship with her husband. She might be better off without him and with the support of parents who love her unconditionally.

My friend is now married to a man who loves her to bits and she is well and happy.

[Old_Geezer]

It is unfortunate your daughter's husband has decided to leave, but one should not pass judgement as one can not tell how difficult this has all been to cope with. He will still have responsibilities to the children.

I think sometimes one has to hit rock bottom to be able to find the ability to pull oneself around again. At least your daughter has admitted to the problem and can hopefully find the incentive to make use of the help offered by the medical profession. Her family will be important to her for support.

I hope this is the start of turning it all around for her.

[trt]

Her partner has probably not loved her for a long time, and not because of her problem with laxatives. Is she very overweight lilacben, if so that's why he may want to leave?

[lilacben]

Well my daughter has had a lot to put up with in the last 11 years with him. He used to get drunk and spend all there money, Also slot machines he just pored money into. Then he would go home drunk in a mood because on the machines lost it all. Demand the bank card number and drew everything ou of the account to put back in the machine. This was when the children where about 1 onwards.Plus he was done for drink driving and banned for two years.! She put up with all that. Then he was a depressive.! She had the third baby because he got tablets for it all. Then my daughter suffered from post natal depression. Which she still has tablets for. Now this has come out.!! He cuts and runs.! Went into the home last night at 9 went up to the children and told them he was leaving for good.Surprise surprise he couldnt go as they was so upset.!! So now he says he is staying there until he gets somewhere to live but sleep downstairs. I am so annoyed and upset.!

[lilacben]

trt no she is only 71/2 stone.aged 37 And has only really admitted it because he was told about what she was doing and found loads of different things hidden around the house.

[Old_Geezer]

So him leaving will be a good thing then.

I'm unsure why your daughter opted to have a third child because he was going on medication though. Still what is done is done.

Best he find a place as soon as possible and things might be less muddled.

[Nosha123]

"she is only 71/2 stone"

She is UNDERWEIGHT.... that weight is not normal - unless she is 4ft tall! Which I doubt!

Also - if she is bulimic (which she could be as most bulimics do take laxatives) then she is at serious risk.. Bulimia can kill... and her heart could give up on her...

She is best shot of him.. and clearly needs some space to focus on herself for the time being anyway... If she doesnt accept treatment - she may end up sectioned.. so she has to realise how serious this all is. PLUS the children will all be picking up on the behaviours in the house and it will be affecting them.

She is your daughter.. and you obviously love her lots - she is going to need you now more than ever!

Let the husband go.. it may be the start of a new beginning for her

[Mamyalynne]

So things have not been well for a long time, even if he hadn't decided to leave it doesn't sound as though he would have been supportive. As others have said with medical help and your love and support this may well be the start of a new and brighter future.

Take care, they do worry us don't they?

M

[Eve]

That kind of obsession can often be a control issue, trying to control something when you can't control other things going on around you. Trouble is it all too easily gets out of control and takes over.

Her asking for help is probably one of the best signs you could hope for and, chances are, her husband leaving might be the fresh start she needs to find her own control or learn to live with things as they are without resorting to such damaging behaviour.

I think of some of thie things I've done in the past and it horrifies me. You can't see it at the time, it's a compulsion, obsession if you like.

Getting better is a lot to do with learning to regain the control and her steps towards getting help are a huge step towards that.

Cognitive behavioural therapy has really helped me. Smashed a lot of my wrong and damaging perceptions and helping me let go and understand myself a lot better.

I paid to see someone privately as you don't get the long waiting lists and it can be arranged a lot more conveniently. It was expensive but worth it and has made a big difference.

Change doesn't happen overnight though, destructive behaviour can be very hard to change, especially the longer it has been going on.

There will still be bad days and the more open and non-judgmental you can be the better. Sometimes you have to give in a little and drop back down to come back up again, it's not necessarily a failure but a part of the process.

[eloisey]

I am so glad that your daughter is going to get some help.
A friend of mine has had similar problems,she said the Mind charity web site has lots of helpful information.

[lilacben]

Many thanks for our help and advise. I am at my wits end she phoned me again this morning and said he has told her he will stay ,to help with the children, but he is still leaving when she is better.He doubts if he will ever love her again. My daughter asks me what she should do and I just don't know what to tell her. If he stays and she gets better he will still be leaving. So things will be harder but, hopefully, she will cope better. But if he stays and they go there own way but just live under the same roof will it help her while she is getting help.?

[AlBags]

She will probably be better off long-term without him.
He obviously needs a lot of help himself.
Better to struggle without than with in my opinion.