very shy and lacks confidence

[ilovemarkb]

How can i help my 15yr old son be more confident. Just been to his parents evening and all his teachers say he.s doing very well other than he is shy and lacks confidence. He excells in all sports particularly football but once again he lacks confidence and doest do much shouting for the ball. We,re hoping he gets kept on next year by the town football academy but think his more confident freinds might just pip him to the post even though technically my son is in the top 3 players. I so desperatly want to help him come out of his shell! thanks in anticipation
julie

[dothawkes31]

Has he done his work experience yet? If not try to get him in at one of the local sports centres where he can be around sport but will need to come out of his shell abit to manage 2 weeks in a working environment

[annie0000]

How long has he been like this Julie? is this a new thing or is his nature generally quiet? What are his friends like and how is he in their company? Not sure what the solution is, but I know how you feel, you just want everything to be right for them don't you?. We are awaiting a referral to the school pyschologist for my 10 year old as his self esteem and confidence are really low - he does have a quiet nature, but was always happy in his own skin if you get my drift and was happy enough to speak to familiar adults etc. A couple of years of bullying have affected him though and he seems to have lost his ability to speak to anyone outwith his immediate comfort zone and now doesn't even speak to people that he would have before. He stuggles to make eye contact.

Just wondered if maybe your son was having any other issues that he is keeping from you.

From things I have read, it is important to ensure that he has independance and control over things where possible in order to increase his self confidence. Praise as much as possible as well. What about a bit of a makeover?. Does he fancy a new haircut, some new clothes etc. we all feel more confident when we feel good about ourselves. What about something like an adventure course, like sailing or Duke of Edinburgh or something like that which would give him a sense of achievement and pride?

It will probably be a few months before we get any help from the psychologist, but I will happily pass on any ideas we get.

Hope things get better for him.

[ilovemarkb]

He as always been quite shy so its not sudden! Dot he is at work experience this week which is coaching kids at football so this should help. annie we just start growing his hair into a longer style, he.s also waiting to get a brace on his teeth and he thinks his ears stick out so maybe it his appearance that knocks his confidence, he has a few spots but probably due to hormones. hopefully he will learn to love himself! thanks again guys
julie

[cazzz1975]

kids are very good at picking out very slight marks or characteristics in someone and themselves, my daughter has all sorts of issues with herself, so does all of her friends, Its quite sad to listen to themselves all moaning about their appearances when they look perfectly normal.
when I was their age I did not give a monkeys about my appearance.

[ilovemarkb]

me too !!!!!!

[zzxxee]

has he thought about what he wants to do when he leaves school? i found my daughter who was quite shy at school really came out of herself when she started college surrounded by people interested in the same course she was doing , mixing with like minded people. at school the range of kids likes and dislikes is vast at least if hes on a course he likes his confidence will grow surrounded by kids who have the same interest in the subject being studied.