Friend or what?

[irisred]

The situation is this...

 

I have a friend I've known for over 2 years, we've always flirted with each other.  He's told me about all of his (many) relationships and asked me for advice on where to take them on dates, what to cook them etc.  We've kissed a few times and we can talk for hours and hours on end about everything and anything.  He frequently tells me that I'm pretty and that he finds me sexy etc.

 

Last night he ended up at my place and we ended up having pretty good sex after a few hours of bloomin good chat.  We both knew what we were doing and its been on the cards for a long time, and by admittance from him, he'd like it to happen again.

 

However, there has never been talk of a a realtionship between us by either party.  He's moving down under early next year and i can't get the feeling out of my head that if i don't at least mention the relationship thing to him before he goes I will always regret it.

But... I really value his freindship and I would hate him to think I'm being horrible and clingy after the sex thing because I'm really not, I just want to know his true feelings and not send him screaming in the other direction.  I'm not even sure I'd want a relationship with him but i want to know his thoughts about it.

 

Am I being a complete muppet?  Is he taking me for a ride or am i not seeing something blatantly obvious?  Should I just ask him for his thoughts or hope that we can continue being mates and hope that when he leaves he'll be one less thing to worry myself about?

 

Any thoughts?

[Curious_Me]

Call me 'old fashioned!' but I would say you ARE already having a relationship with him .....& a pretty good one too - a  relationship is far more than sex, the time spent together talking, offering & asking for advice is all part of a healthy relationship. and yes of course you can talk to him about all this after all you have already been as intimate with him as 2 people can be!!.....if he is not willing to talk to you about what you consider a proper relationship to be then that alone gives you real insight about him.

[Tabby]

Sounds like the sands of time are running out. It�s make or break time. You sound like a person who understand your own feelings, and if you can have good conversations to with your friend, what have you got to loose? I think the way to approach it, is by expressing your own fears and feeling (as you have done very well in your question).
To me, the basis of any friendship / relationship relies on two things. 1) Trust 2) Good communication. But from my own experience, just because you have these two things, it does not automatically mean it will turn into a relationship. You BOTH have got to want it to be. Are you sure that�s what you want? If so, you have got to find out your friends feelings. And to me, the sooner the better!
One more thought (sorry to go on).  Surely, you can only go forward, by asking. Even if the answer is not what you would like, its got to be better to know. Personally, I wouldn�t agree to any more sex until you know and agree where you are going. You could get very hurt later if you don�t find out now.

 Good luck. Tabby.

[stevie21]

Sounds like you should be able to both sit down together and have a good open conversation. Just ask him exactly what he wants - if it's a relationship he'll say so.
If he tries to say "just sex" in some heavily paraphrased way that emphasises him leaving next year and makes it sound like he's trying not to use you then it's not a relationship he's after.

[pompomfairy]

it sounds to me like you really want you and this guy to go sumwhere. i think you should just come out and ask him do u think this could go anywhere and just get it over and done with, and if he says no i want you as a mate not a girlfriend dont be to disappointed because you always have a friendship after and thats worth more than anything in the long run. if you just ask him if it will go anywhere you will feel much better trust me i know