How much longer do I have to go through this?

[missfairfax]

I recently turned 21. I am female, and I've never had a boyfriend - not even for a short period of time. I have "pulled" a lot of people, I find this the easiest thing in the world, even with really great-looking guys. I am always being told I'm very attractive and have a wicked personality, and most of the men I meet assume I must have a boyfriend or have at least HAD one/some. But I haven't. But it never turns into more than one night or one date or whatever, they never seem to want to take it further.
I am so, so lonely. So much that it just makes me cry sometimes. I'm not holding out for someone who is amazingly good looking or rich or anything, I just want someone who I find attractive and who can make me laugh. It's impossible to see a light at the end of this tunnel and it's even worse when people say to me "stop looking, then you'll find him" because when you're this lonely you always look. You can't do anything else because of all the looking.
Does anyone out there have this same story, or can say something that will make me feel better? Because so far nothing ever, ever has.

[Eels]

I've been in your position, not understood why things never went anywhere, felt lonely.  I ended up throwing everything into studying (I was at Uni at the time) and then along came somone who for various reasons I really knew I shouldn't get involved with, but of course I did, and we're living together three years later.  It would never have happened if I'd been 'looking' because there were so many reasons against us on paper, I would have subconsciously dismissed him, I'm sure.

Basically the only advice I could give you would be that the worst mistake you can make is building a life around a person you have yet to meet - build your life around YOU and fill it with things you enjoy.  It will happen, I promise!

[HAnn521]

Embrace being independent!!

That's all I can say....take care to realize and remember the fact that you don't need anyone else to make you happy...and only when you're happy with yourself, will someone else want to be with you!

Be glad and proud that you're an independent woman, when you have embraced that, Mr. Right will find you!

[lady_p_gold]

I agree with what has been said ... and I think you need to have some male friends who are not boyfriends or who you do not see as potential boyfriends so that there is no expectancy of anything and no disappointment because they are just friends.  In that way you will not be analysing what you are doing right or wrong or thinking you might be doing.  And .. you are very young!  It might seem as if the world is paired off and all luvved up but there are hundreds of single people out there .. but first of all you need to feel happy with your own company. 

[Supernick]

I know how you feel. I've generally had no problem in finding girls, yet I'm 25 now and single 5 years. I'm considered attractive and have loads of mates (although that statement makes me cringe with embarassment because it sounds so arrogant), good job, own car etc. I can't I'm lonely sometimes, and I'd love to meet someone but I try hard to not let it consume me as it'll bring down the other aspects of your life. I would sugges that you just enjoy the good parts of your life, try to feel confident in who you are and belive that this is all an averages games. Some people meet their person sooner, others later. You sound really nice - you're genuine and articulate so I'm sure that it'll happen for you. Don't lose hope!

[Supernick]

However, it appears that I'm completely inarticulate and sloppy with an inability to proof read. Apologies if that last post is riddled with typo's and grammatical nonsense. I was ducking in and out of it as my bosses walked past!

[Romeo]

Hi missfairfax. You meet people through people, so you have to ask yourself: what is your social life like? You could try joining things, such as your local amateur drama club or something that interests you but where you will meet new people and get involved. Once you make friends, go out to parties or dances or pubs. You are young and are able to do all this. Revel in your time. Good luck xx.

[KittyGlitter]

I can empathise with you. I am 33 and still single. So I have heard all the cliches and advice a thousand times before. I've spent many nights with my friends complaining about being single. I've not looked for a man and I have looked for a man, I've enjoyed being single and I haven't enjoyed being single. I know how to behave on a first date (I hope!).  I've travelled alone and joined evening classes, I've been speed dating. I've put myself out there.

I'm not going to tell you how to meet a man, as I'm sure there will be plenty of others who will and there are thousands of books such at the Rules that give advice. We can't control who we meet and who we fall for. Some people always seem to be in a relationship and others never seem to be. There are no rules and no certainties. I also think attractiveness or personality has no real bearing on finding a mate - just have a look at some of the couples you see out and about. They aren't all supermodels in any way. I also know of some unpleasant people who have a partner - people who you cannot imagine anyone wanting to be with. This is why I don't think that any rules apply.

If you can, allow yourself to be happy during this period instead of putting your happiness on hold. I know a lot of us say "I won't be happy until I meet Mr Right or until I have the perfect job". Your mind may be fixed in thinking like this. I hope that you can enjoy your life in the meantime - keep going out and having fun, use your attractiveness to your advantage but stay modest. Concentrate on your friends and making new friends as they can be a source of a lot of comfort and fun. Take care x

[Mistopheles]

I've been where you are and can really sympathise. I coped by finding friends on the internet, and I ended up finding my dream bloke online at the same time, even though I wasn't looking.

Nothing anyone can say will help much, but if I can find the right man, you can too - believe me.