Serious moral question

[McMouse]

Some years ago I knew a young RN Chaplain who was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He was told he had at most 6 months to live but would likely only decline and die in the final few weeks. Other than the Commanding Officer he told no-one and requested to be allowed to carry out his pastoral duties during which time he wquld put his affairs in order. He didn't tell his wife and very young children believing he was sparing them months of worry. I've always admired his courage but my wife was appalled saying he had no right to keep this from his family.

What do you think.

[jno]

oh, so A-intruder has been... extruded?

[mazie]

I truly believe that most women are stronger than that mercia, especially a Chaplains wife. I know without doubt that I would want to know

[wolf63]

There is no right answer to this.

He did what he did because he loved his family and after the initial shock and anger his wife will realise this.

That doesn't make the decision not to tell her right - or - wrong. It is just the decision that he made.

He must have been a strong person to deal with his own mortality and carry on with his work and care for his family.

None of us know what we would do in a situation like this.

[McMouse]

My reputation is for doing dreadful jokes but I do appreciate the thoughtful answers that have been given to what is really an impossible question.

[Count-A-Strong]

Maybe he figured that the illness would, as you stated, become apparent in the final weeks and not telling his wife would at least spare her the worry of the first few months.

[Prudie]

Most of you seem to be in agreement so thought I'd add my view to help even it up - we are all different and I think I would like not to be told so maximising the normal time together. If my partner told me that he only had 6 months to live I would spend the next 6 months crying and falling apart (I think). Likewise if it was me that was ill I would try to keep quiet for as long as I could so I wasn't treated differently. Just a personal view on a heartbreaking situation.

[Mamyalynne]

I am not even going to say whether this lovely gentleman was right or wrong in his handling of this situation.
The day my husband was diagnosed as terminally ill, I was there so the issue of telling never arose, he announced loudly that he was leaving the hospital and we had a wonderful few weeks as a family (children and grandchildren, fully informed) a holiday, days out slotted between nurses etc and quite frankly if this had not happened, I feel the younger members especially would have found his death very distressing.
His funeral was awash with children blowing bubbles and throwing rose petals with happy memories in their hearts.
We each deal with this as we see fit there is no right or wrong.


Mamya ♥

[Stockethill]

Mamya, you have a lovely way with words.

[Mamyalynne]

I can only tell it like it is,there is not a moment I do not wish it had never happened, but I would not wish him back in pain, I feel I am too young to be alone, but how do you improve on perfection?
This is why when I see people getting together and making a connection my heart sings for them, I have had more happiness in my life than most and for that I am thankful.

Live life well and cuddle a lot,

Mamya♥

[Mamyalynne]

Tony Ted (not often I give you full title) , I know without you fully explaining that you have lost someone special and I am no different sweetheart, I may just be more ready to put it on the page, but am no better than anyone.
However a letter to the powers that be would not harm! LOL

[Mamyalynne]

And so are you!♥

[pinktwink]

aww mamya how sweet hugs to you hun xxx

As for the original post yes there is no right or wrong answer but a lot of hurt on both sides. At the end of the day both parties are loosers here. As for my own view I think the news shoudl be shared with close family to allow loved ones the opportunity to prepare for the death and to be able to say their goodbyes. Preparation for death does not need to be a morbid affair and can involve a celebration of the live that was lead and the fulfillment of some dreams beofre the final hour. Having lost my mum to a terminal illness I was glaad for the tiem we had before she dies and knowing it was coming to th eend made that time we shared even more special to me. I got to say and do some of the things I may not have been able to if she kept the illness from us. As a family we could prepare for her death whilst celebrating the time we had left with her.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh my little Pinktwink, how are you babes? how much longer before the main event, I am an expectant Gran again , will tell my Bro down the road from you next week as is his birthday, lovely to speak again, take good care ♥

[pinktwink]

hi mamya , gran to be!!!am not due til mid Novemeber!!! You still have to pop over and see that brother of yours xxx

[Mamyalynne]

Darling I do not travel very well, even with this little wings, our arrival is not until january, would love to pop over, who knows.♥