can i afford to be single, what help is there out there?

[sar901]

my husband and i are considering seperation. can we afford to? we have a morgage and numerous other debts. we are considering re-morgaging before seperation to consolidate debts, this will be the cheapest way to make monthly repayments. what help can i get? i am a nursing student, so i receive around �500. per month bursary, and that is it. obviously when the morgage is �412. per month i cannot afford to pay it! my husband will have his own rent etc to pay and will not be able to afford to give me money toward the morgage, and the kids. what help can i get if any?

[WendyS]

Sorry you're in this position.  Sounds as if separation is going to cost both you and your husband dearly as well as having a financial impact on your children.  Could you not reach a civilised compromise and organise domestic life so your husband can have his own room/space in your house and a non-aggression pact,  at least until your nursing training is finished and you have reduced some of your debts?      If you separate, he will have to pay you a proportion of his income via the Child Support Agency.  You will both still be under a lot of financial stress and will both still have your debts - in fact you will have increased them by acquiring two sets of accommodation bills.    Good luck anyway.  

[Mrs_Pegasus]

There are never any winners when it comes to divorce and both parties have to make sacrifices.  Wouldnt it be more sensible to look at what you can afford since you have already seen that the ideal outcome is not going to happen?

What equity is in the house?  Wouldnt it be better to sell, clear the mortgage and debts and in effect start again?  If you rent you will be entitled to help with your rent and probably find it cheaper in the long run until you finish your nursing studies.  Your husband will onviously have to pay you maintenance but you dont have to go through the CSA.  The chances are you will be using solicitors for the divorce so why not agree a sum of money without the CSA getting involved probably messing it up and causing bad feeling in your future relationship with your ex-husband.  At the end of the day its the children who are the most important and if the parents are happy and not struggling with high expenditure and general money worries then it will make the transition far more smooth.

[Mrs_Pegasus]

My ex and I were turned down for our very first mortgage application, it was from a very well known high street lender and we were obviously mortified.  They were well known for being very picky but at the time paid 'independant financial advisors' well for putting business their way.  We went to an IFA after this (we applied on our own the first time) who found us a mortgage very easily with another well known lender who just happened to use a different scoring method!  The deal we got was cheaper and more competitve than the other and we never had any further problems.

I am not casting doubt on your advisor but it may be worth asking them to try another lender.  I do know people who have challenged refusals and they have been successful in getting them reversed so there is no harm in trying, just as there is no harm in asking to try another lender with similar deals.

P.S. Ask to see your advisors 'terms of business' and what commission he earns from individual lenders, this should be readily handed over.  Just a thought.

[Mrs_Pegasus]

sar901 my sincere apologies I was replying to another post and i never noticed it jumped back to your question that i had just answered.  Please totally ignore the above!!!!!!  Apologies to anyone else reading who thinks I am slightly barmy!

[sar901]

mr pegasus. yes i wondered what you was talking about when i read your last response! no. you are not going barmy, we have all done it in one form or another!

in response to your first submission, we are not considering divorce at the moment, just seperation. a friend of mine in the same situation is trying to survive on just her bursary (which incidentally has just been cut from �750. pm to �500 pm) and child tax credits. she has to pay full rent, and gets no other help what-so-ever as she is considered a full time student. (therefore not able to work).

at the moment we are considering re-morgaging the property, consolidating the debts and then selling the house. i know this isnt the correct way to do things, but it seems the only option. our debts arent substantial, but they are enough to cripple us both! my husband is being very nice and offering to pay for the children, AND pay the morgage alongside his future rent etc. i am stubborn and don't want him to do this, after all this is supposed to be amicable.

anybody been in the same situation? i am really desperate for answers and dont know where to start.

who do i contact first when it does happen? what are the first things i should do? i dont know who to advise first, the bank; tax credits or social security (what for i dont know!) would i be eligible for a council house if i left with the children, and said that he had kicked us out?

so many problems, i just cant think straight!