Trying to Hold It Together

[DEN53]

I have a meeting this afternoon at the Care Home with Social Worker, to do yet another assessment about getting Mum into a permanent Care Home. I have'nt seen my Mum since last Monday, when I took her there for 2 weeks respite care.

My heart is in my mouth, I am trying to keep myself together and not lose it. My Mum has to be present at the meeting, so not sure how she is going to react. If she starts crying and begs me to take her home, I know I am going to crumble.

My Dad is also coming and not sure how he is going to react.

[Goodsoulette]

Very tough for you Den. I hope for your sake that your mum doesn't get too upset. If you do crumble and give in you will only be going through this again at some point in the future. Be strong and support your mum through the transition with lots of visits. I see this so often, and more often than not they seem perfectly happy most of the day its just on some visits with family it can be overwhelming and of course they want to be with them but can't always see whats best. if any depression etc is noted afterwards talk to the nurses and carers they can help. Sometimes the home just isn't suitable to the individual.

[Bobbisox]

I sincerely echo everyone's kind words DEN, I will be thinking of you, take that thought to the meeting, everyone on here has you in there thoughts...never feel alone
Joy x

[LoftyLottie]

Thinking of you Den. Be strong and stand your ground. x

[society]

It’s a tough decision to make but just think how you will be doing what’s best for your peace of mind, her well-being and your dad’s sanity. I hope things work out well for you. Just remember you are doing this for her because you love her.
Stay strong. All the best! x

[berniecuddles]

the very best of british good luck xxxxxxxxxx

[shaylah]

I work in a care home and what you are feeling is totally natural. I know the hard work that goes into looking after someone that has dementia or that needs everything doing for them and it is hard work. Most people want to look after their parents as they get older but there becomes a point when it becomes too hard. I assume as your dad is going with you that he was also looking after your mum. If so you have to consider his wellbeing as well as your own. Dont feel guilty about her going into a home and at least you will have peace of mind knowing that she is being looked after and all her needs are being met.
Just curious was you advised not to visit her when she was on respite or was that your decision? Maybe she has settled in well and you will have nothing to worry about

[DEN53]

Evening All - I am just reading all the lovely answers from everyone, I really do appreciate it.

The meeting went o.k. - my Mum did'nt have to be involved, which was a relief. My poor Dad broke down and cried his eyes out - I have never seen my Dad cry, he looked to helpless.

After the meeting, he did'nt feel he could see my Mum yet, so I sent him off for a cuppa with the care home manager and I went to see Mum on my own. I was quite relieved she did'nt cry but did seem more confused. I stayed a little while, but had to get to her GP and take her water sample, as they think she has an infection.

Drove like the clappers to get there before it shut - then had a massive row with the receptionist, who looked like she had just left school ! she just kept repeating that I should make an appointment blah blah - I explained the situation, and said I would sit and wait until the surgery had finished then I would see the GP. She was having none of it - I was just about to pull her through the glass partition window and ram the water sample up her ar$e, when another receptionist intervened and told me to wait in the waiting room.

I now have a massive stress related headache, but am coming down to earth.

Just have to hope 'the chump' (social worker) pleads our case to the panel tomorrow and we get somewhere.

Thanks again for your your support. Den xx

[Bobbisox]

have a good stiff drink kidda, you deserve it :-0)
Joy

[ttfn]

Den - bless you - humour is everything, That receptionist is lucky she didn't have to walk home tonight and then eat standing at the breakfast bar ;o) take it steady and relax. Well done for effort today ♥

[Mamyalynne]

Oh Den what a day you have had, I do hope all is soon resolved try to relax now and take something for your headache.

M♥

[DEN53]

Thank you, Joy, ttfn and Mamy. xxx

[society]

Hope everything works out the way you want it to, Dens.

[geordiegirl1]

I know how you feel, When I had leave my mum at her care home for the first time it was the worst day of my life. I very nearly cracked because she gave me "that look" of hurt and saddness that only a mother can give you, but I knew I had to be strong it was the only way she could be looked after. It's easy to say but you and your Dad must stay strong and support each other.
I hope your meeting went well.

[DEN53]

Thanks Society and geordiegirl. I know 'the look' you mean, geordiegirl.

[Dris]

Den-cant add anything to the support you have had and cant empathise but just want to let you know that youre doing a sterling job-keep strong x

[DEN53]

Thank you Dris, much appreciated. xx

[Goodsoulette]

If she does have a urine infection that would be why she seemed more confused than normal.

[rowanwitch]

goodsoulette is right a water infection will often make an elderly person confused or more so if they are already suffering from dementia..
Glad it went better than you expected though.