Subject: By George I'm Not Gay !!!

larry | 22:06 Tue 07th Sep 2010 | Celebrity Gossip

8 Answers

Subject: By George I'm Not Gay !!! guaranteed to offend some ba**** !)(Hopefully!)

George Michael has admitted that despite previous claims, he is actually NOT gay and has in fact just been stoned for 10 years.

Asked if he was certain - given his track record of overt gayness - he said

"I'm not just certain, I'm HIV positive."

Although the media have reported that he checked into a rehab center to cure his addiction to drugs, sources close to the singer have exclusively revealed that he is actually gone into gay-rehab - a process designed to turn him hetrosexual. A friend of the troubled singer confirmed this by saying "With all the drugs he just needs to get into rehab and get himself straight." Another friend (or as he described himself, 'special friend') stated "he's already struggling to get straight in rehab - he got caught having a sneaky fag in the gents." So there we go, empirical evidence of the highest journalistic standards.

It does however seem to be one excuse after another for George Michael. Firstly, when caught soliciting in mens toilets by the police he said "I only went to spend a penny but ended up with two coppers". Then, when caught having sex with strange men in public parks he claimed that he was merely dyslexic and had simply misread the sign that said "Have a walk in our park." And now his latest excuse is that he is not gay but just stoned and that to say he is bodge is just a careless whisper.

Authorities are preparing to throw the book at George Michael after his impromptu ramraid and have threatened jail time. But critics fear that sending him to prison would be like sending a paedophile to a nursery to do community service.

And finally, the last word from George was "I need to get straight. I haven't been since Last Christmas."