How should you react to a fantasist?

[Tups]

My daughter has a gay male friend who is always telling her the most outrageous stories of things that have supposed to have happened to him. He tells them so convincingly I think he may even believe them himself! His latest one concerns the 'death' of his ex who supposedly killed himself and his child from a hetro relationship. He keeps ringing and texting her, asking what he should say at the funeral, what flowers should he buy etc. After some research, we have found out the 'deceased' is in fact alive and well! Should she confront her friend about these fantasies or would that be dangerous? He must surely be mentally unstable. Having private fantasies in one thing; we all have them but to involve other people in your world of 'catastrophe and grief' is surely something else ...?

[sara3]

I had a friend like that.. it's quite sad really, having to invent so many stories just to look interesting.

the girl I knew.. in the end I kept saying, "that can't be right because I read it in a magazine".

she should call his bluff a few times and if he doesn't pack it in.. steer clear.

[Prudie]

So did i, best friend at school for 4 years. Only once I'd grown up did i realise it was all lies. I put it down to her feeling insecure about herself and needing to embroider her humdrum life. Could this guy be like this?

[Tups]

My daughter keeps asking him searching questions, like, 'Why isn't it in the paper?' and 'Where's the funeral?' and he always has an answer ready up his sleeve! He's clearly very good at it! I've suggested she tries to gradually distance herself from him but it's hard when he keeps making contact. Now she knows for sure what he's says is all rubbish, she's worried about his state of mind and what he might do either to her or to himself, should he find out he's been rumbled.

[sara3]

then she needs to start making excuses not to see or speak to him. these are needy people, and he will take up a lot of her time.

[ummmm]

My aunty is like that...when they are confronted they either deny it or accuse everyone of misunderstanding them.

[merciasounds]

Attention seeking. I knew a widow who was like this - she'd come out with more and more outrageous stories, she swore to me that once she was having an affair with Tom Jones after meeting him at a party.

anyway, back to your daughter. she could 'confront' him in a round about way and say,
I think 'somebody' is preying on your soft-hearted nature and trying to make a fool of you, because 'John Smith' who you think is dead, is very much alive and kicking, he was seen in town yesterday - he was with his son/daughter - they were buying a birthday present for a child who's party my cousin's lad's going to, so I know it's the right person, you better get on to whom ever told you this pack of lies and read them the riot act.
Realising he's been rumbled might make him quiten down for a while, and then the next outrageous story he comes out with, your daughter can say to him, now just you make sure about this - sounds a bit far fetched, are you sure that person who tried to wind you up last time isn't at it again? she could then mock admonish him for being 'so gullible' this should either cure him of this habit or make him move on to somebody else.

[oldexpat]

Tell him that you have a journalist friend who wants to write a story on it and will pay good money. Failing that say that you know someone who works for the Jeremy Kyle show and not only will they pay £100,000 pounds for his attendence but give him a free 1 week stay in the Hilton, London with all expenses paid and free entry into every night club there is. If he agrees then give him a number to call, a mobile number of a sim card that you bought. But if you have investigated and know the guy who killed himeself then give the sim card to him.

Problem solved. He can soon realise his friend is well and truely alive and they can go and have lots of gayness together.

[joeluke]

Your daughter should just tell him to stop coming out with such bullsh1t and to get a life

[Wednesday_Adams]

I have a (gay) friend who is just the same, he would make up all sorts of lies and he seemed to really believe them. Some of the lies were just ridicoulous, to pretending to be engaged to an abusive man who won't let him see his friends (funnily enough we never met this so called fiance) to being raped and to being in hospital after a suicide bid (even though he was in his flat the whole time - Me and my mates went round and looked through the window cos we didn't believe him!!)

Speaking from experience, I don't see the point in confronting him, he is obviously mentally unstable and really believes what he is saying, like my friend (who ended up in the nuthouse until he got himself kicked out!!) What he needs is help. As hard as it is, why don't you try phoning your local hospital for advise on what do, they could tell you where the nearest mental institution is (hate calling it that) but that's what I had to do and my friend even agreed that he needed to go in the end. He's now in jail but that's a whole other story!!
Good luck!

[China Doll]

I'm not particularly sympathetic to them so I'd probably just tell them to get stuffed.

[Tups]

Been away so not seen your answers 'til today. Thanks one and all. In the end, my daughter stopped answering his texts and he has gradually contacted her less and less. It's sad, walking away from someone who obviously needs help but we mere mortals can't do everything! I think that, with an imagination like his, he should write a book or short stories! At least he could earn some money from his creativity then!