my sons father wont see him on his own.

[hazel999]

My 6yr old sons father wont see him on his own beacuse he doesnt want to upset his gf and her son.
His dad lives with his current gf and child and the last time my son was there her little boy kept saying he's my daddy not yours he lives with me. Since this he hasnt wanted to go back there.
His dad's response to me is he should get over it and I should still send him, how can I send a crying child somewhere they really dont want to go.

[Bobbisox]

Oh dear hazel, a very difficult one, I don't envy you with this
Good Luck ♥

[hazel999]

I know. I dont know what to do. He really doesnt seem willing to take his son out for a hour on his own because his current gf might get upset/angry.
I feel he is choosing them over his son and he has only been with her for 9months. This has been going on for a month now. :o(

[Bobbisox]

I think I would have to ask a professional person,,maybe your Doctor?
to help suggest what is best for the child, this is a very tricky situation Hazel, have you asked the boys Dad to have some quality time alone with his child?
A little boy of 6 wouldn't know the meaning of 'get over it' how bloody callous of this man

[stokemaveric]

i wouldnt send my kid anywhere he didnt want to go hazel,its obviously upsetting him immensly tell his ''dad'' that he isnt going to see his son again until he can take him somewhere that there can be just the 2 of them...your sons happiness is paramount..

[Bobbisox]

is this bloke a man or a mouse?
and what kind of g/f would be jealous of a little boy?

[hazel999]

I think your right, might see what the health visitor says.
Yep I asked him to come pick him up for a hour or two and have some father/son time and he wont.
I argued with him that his gf's little boy gets to see his mummy on his own when he's at work, gets to see him all week and gets to see his own dad every weekend. When does our child fit in and he didnt respond. Dont know whether if it is something to do with his gf or if he isnt interested as he has never been a brilliant dad.

[askyourgran]

This is a really worrying question hazel. If possible could you ask your ex to visit you or take him out somewhere away from his gf and son. Explain why your son is upset, asking him if he could be more reasonable as the boy is only young. Perhaps you could tell your son that his daddy was his daddy first and his daddy still loves him. It isn't his fault that daddy is not living at home with him. He can tell that to the other child if/when he goes to visit him again.

[Bobbisox]

I understand you wanting to keep the link between father and son but as Stoke says, your childs happiness is paramount Hazel

[bandearg]

yes this is a tericky situation. First of all you need to remove your feelings towards your partner and his gf from the equation as your son will pick up on these negative feelings. Children argue all the time and say cruel things to each other. Whilst it is not ok it is a fact of life. If your son was told at school by another boy that he lived with his dad and your son didnt would you stop sending him to school if he was upset.

erhaps his dad is not the most sensitive or reliable type but that is something your son has to learn as you cant chnage his dad. It is better your son sees his dad for who he really is.

If it becomes too stressful for you then the best thing is to suggest that your son is collected by his dad so it stops you having to send him. That way his dad will see his upset. Most important of all is that your son does not get caught up in your feelings and issues with his dad.

[askyourgran]

I agree with stoke/bobbi your son comes first, if he is upset there is no point in making him go to see his father.

[lotsafun]

awww your poor son how awful. Sounds to me though that your ex is ''choosing'' his new family over the wellbeing of your sons feelings here though. I wouldnt force your son to go back there if he doesnt want to as this can have a negetive effect on him but wait till your ex comes to you. Hes being a selfick p***k if you ask me

[hazel999]

Thanks everyone for your answers.
For a moment he made me doubt myself and I thought i was possibly over reacting.
Before any of this myself and his gf got on and we havent fallen out as we havent discussed the subject. Do you think I would be over stepping the mark if I contacted here by email to tell her whats going on and see what her reaction is.
I know she is aware of the situation but has probably been told only what he's wanted to and I cant help but feel Im bein made out to be the bady. Keeping him from seeing his son, which I have never and would never do.

[Bobbisox]

not really a good idea Hazel, he would then blame you for 'getting involved ' with the g/f
and at the end of it all she will , no doubt, back him, the sh1t would hit the fan and trouble may start and in the middle of this mess is a vulnerable little boy

[brenda]

What a spineless soft individual this man is.How can you possible choose between 2 sons that you have fathered , to the extent of ignoring one completely because of how your new girl friend will feel.
Is there any sort of neutral territory on which your boy and his father could meet for a short time , like a grandparent or such.?
I would not send my son to anywhere , where he was going to be unhappy and teased by another child.
If your son's father has not enough guts to see his own son , or is to afraid of the gf and her reaction , then write him out of your sons life until as an adult he is able to come to terms with his behaviour and put it right..
Much is said about children needing 2 parents , but in reality 1 really loving parent
is adequate.
After all your son's life and growing up years are his loss not yours

[hazel999]

I agree. I have offered on many occasions for him to come see him and he doesnt seem interested tbh I feel like he is using his gf as a excuse so then he doesnt have to have any responsibility. I think he prefers go out as a group when he has our child ( which I can understand a little) but this isnt about his needs.
At one point my child wanted to stay there when her child was at his dads, apparently they dont do weekends when they dont have her son.
I have done all I can and the door is open for him to see his son on his own until he feels comfortable to be around his gf and her child again.

[sherrardk]

I think you should explain to your ex that you are not prepared to send you son somewhere where he gets so upset. Tell him that you want him to maintain contact with your son but that you are putting you son's emotional well-being first. Say that he can visit your son/take him out, etc and that you are not stopping contact but that you are not prepared for him to be upset in this way.