dont know what to do for him

[lynyona]

my son is 16 just left school .He as no self esteem or confidence in himself not many friends and realy goes out the house.last year he was to do his work experience and i took him but when he got there wouldnt get out of the car so didnt go.Last onth i got him a job interveiw where i work he was looking forward to it but didnt go.he enrolled for colege to start on the 5th sept but decided he wasnt going to go.He as a brother 19 with asd an dim affraid that a lot of these traits run parallel alongside my youngest sons fears and anxietys i dont know where to turn for the best help for him tried talking to him but he doesnt think he has a problem.He as also had bullying within is senior years which scholl wasnt a very nice place for him to be. any thoughts pleas

[featherboa]

He needs to start doing things which enhance his self-esteem, but first I think he should see a therapist..perhaps he is suffering depression. I am not sure what his brother is suffering from - have never heard of ASD. But a therapist would be able to get to the root of the problem and give you and your son some advice. He is not going to be able to do it alone - especially as he is in denial he even has a problem. If he won't see a therapist, perhaps you could see one and ask their advice...

Also, there should be plenty of books out there on how to boost self esteem or go to www.google.com and search for self esteem or confidence and see if you canfind any useful advice there.

Good luck. Remember, the first steps are the hardest.

[Rach4018]

My cousin was incredibly shy when he left school and had also been bullied he got invloved in martial arts (not sure which one sorry) but it gave him so much confidence, he met lots of new nice people and got fit and stuff.  

[maggie01]

what about a drama class. He may enjoy acting out being someone else and it may give him confidence.

[Mistopheles]

I had almost identical problems to this, until, like Rach's cousin, I took up martial arts (karate). It improved my self confidence no end, I made masses of friends, no more bullying problems, and I even went on to teach karate myself for several years. Find a nice friendly club though!

If that doesn't appeal to him, maggie's suggestion of drama class is good, or anything else that involves him taking part in something as part of a group. What are his interests?

[curiosity]

If you go to your GP he can refer him to the CAMHS service (Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service) They have Community nurses who can help him overcome his anxiety & improve his self esteem, some CAMHS run groups for young people with similar anxiety problems. This might seem a bit over the top, but actually in your post, he has avoided some things that prove his anxiety is affecting his functioning of normal activities for his age (albeit anxiety provoking activities) A community nurse will provide him with very low key sessional visits, and will have access to resources that will help him. It sounds though that he might think that there's no need to go to a GP, cos he's OK. If you can't manage it, try your local Connexions service, they have loads of resources for young people who are having difficulty in groups or in colleges, jobs because of self esteem & confidence issues, he will get a personal advisor and if needed a support worker, who will basically befriend and take him out to places to build his confidence. In fact in hindsight try Connexions first, he can go there to discuss opportunities as opposed to his health, during discussions about what he likes/doesn't like to do his particular needs will be identified. Try not to worry too much, there are lots of young people in similar situations, he's fortunate that you want to help him. Don't let him fob you off, cos it will just get harder for him. Good Luck.

[Adi's mom]

It must be very difficult for you to see your son like this, cause all parents want nothing but the best for their kids..but trust me, even the kids want nothing but the best for themselves. Therefore. if he is want to do something, but is just not able to do it...he needs help, PROFESSIONAL help and your SUPPORT. PLease do take him to a therapist..it could be just low self esteem or it could be something more serious..but a professional will be able to help him and also help you help him!!!! And soon youmay realise it is simple...but not without able help!!! Also please do consult a professional for your youngest son as well...Cause these little things come in the way of child's confidence, education and carrier...and therefore the whole life ...

Do encourage him with small talks...try talking to him a lot..nice things, school, frinds, your experiences...talk a lot...do not force him to tlak..he will eventually. Tell him in your conversations that it is ok to be experiencing weired feeling or desires or thoughts...its normal and that he can talk about it. Cause you have to first also know what he is going through...let him tell...that is important. Do not ignore this.

I know someone, who has OCD. HIs parents ignored and hushed up things, not wanting to face it...and he went on for 22 years without help (thankfully he did well for himself)...till he got married and wife helped him get help....and things are great now!!!

THere is hope , lots of it, but you need to work at it!!!! Best of luck and keep smiling!!! $ yoiurself and kids