someones got to do it

[4getmenot]

am now working tomorrow night. I usually work in admin for a company that supplies care for people at home. They are a carer down so i stepped up

[4getmenot]

im sorry to hear that andy. She's lucky to have you but you need a life too. We dont just deal with elderly there are some that have been in accidents, and one is as young as me but wanted to live on her own so gets help. Usually social services will fund visits. Maybe speak to them again and say you would like help. Home help will do personal care, showers, baths, shopping, cleaning, medication and meal visits. I do hope you can get some help. X

[4getmenot]

also do a sitting service but i think people pay privately for it.

[Andyvon]

Hi Anneasquith.

I've never mentioned it on here before, although there may have been some clues. I know I make some untoward comments to other threads sometimes - but it's complete exhaustion, frustration and stress coming out. I know I have to hold it together though as my wife is utterly dependant on me.

We did get a fair degree of help until about 2007. My wife went to a day centre all day for 5 days a week and that gave me time to get things done like go to the bank, shopping, cooking, work on the car etc. Then they started to make 'cuts and changes'. They cut my wife's attendance to three days, then two, then one - then they closed the day centre altogether. I've asked for help again and again but all I'm told is that there isn't the funding and my wife is lucky to have me. We've effectively given up asking and settled down to having to get along by ourselves.

I'm completely exhausted a lot of the time and I get very stressed and frustrated. That's why I walk 6 miles a night and sometimes 12! If I need time in the day I can park my wife with a couple of neighbours. Mrs. Andyvon can't be by herslef though as she's a danger to herself and doesn't know what she's oing with the cooker, iron, hot water etc. I don't mind my wife being with me all the time but I have to continually watch her. She doesn't understand roads or not walking in front of traffic for example.

We could do with some help at home because I get so tired and stressed.

[4getmenot]

i can kinda feel that from your reply, you have to keep pushing them x

[4getmenot]

where abouts do you live?

[anneasquith]

andy, im sure you have gone down every avenue to get some assistance ,but surely there an organisation somewhere online who you could get advice, even just to talk to another carer, ive seen items in our local newspapers and at my gp surgery about carers groups. ps moan as much as you want .

[Andyvon]

If the truth be known we have been so far in the woods the last few years that we can't see any trees anymore! We've just said to ourselves several times "We'll just have to get on with it by ourselves then". It gets so stressful and upsetting when you reach that point that you end up protecting yourself and putting up the shutters.

My worry is what would happen to my wife if anything happened to me. She can't care for herself and doesn't really understand any situation she's in. I even have to go to the GP/ dentist/optician etc as they don't understand what she's trying to say. I've strangely learned exactly what Mrs A is trying to say.

When I speak to the GP, NHS, Social Services they do offer things such as Befrienders but my wife panics with people she doesn't know and she panics when she can't see me or doesn't know where I've gone.

[anneasquith]

enjoy your walk andy. if you are going out tonight. ill keep a look out for your grumpy replies lol be well. anne

[Andyvon]

Thank you Anne!

From Mr. Grumpy! (but only sometimes!)

[Andyvon]

Thank you Pinkilady.

Oh, I am grumpy sometimes! But as I said on here it's only when I'm frustrated and stressed. When I catch myself doing that I often disappear for a few days to sort myself out. I've never mentioned our situation at home before but if I do post some answers that might appear off-hand or tactless then perhaps ABers like you might understand why.

Take care all of you and thank you for the support. Andrew.

[ELVIS68]

Andyvon, your wife is lucky to have you, it`s shocking to hear that there is no funding available to help especially when you hear about money being spent on other things less important

Good luck to you and your wife in the future and hopefully something will happen to help you both out

[Mamyalynne]

Oh Andy do not apologise ever about the stress that 24/7 caring can put upon you, it truly is the hardest thing imaginable because your relationship with that person shifts somewhat, that hurts. You may try some of the Brain Injury Support sites to see what help there is, I wish you well. Wrap up warm for your walks hun ♥

[Andyvon]

Thank you Elvis and Mamyalynne.

Yes, it has been tough over the last 12 years but we've settled into a pattern that allows us to get through life quite well now. At first the police were often having to go and find my wife as she would panic if I nipped up the shops and walk away. She didn't know where she was or how to get home. All the police officers got to know her and they would find her and bring her back - then give me a rollicking for leaving her for 20 minutes! "If your wife needs 24 hour care sir - that means 24 hours and not going to the shop for 20 minutes".

The thing is - we are both now very happy in our little world. We love each other to pieces and my wife has an infectious laugh that everyone loves. Mrs. A is always very happy (I envy her having no worries!) but she never knows where she is at any time or what's happening around her. She even forgets the names of her children sometimes (they are grown up now and live away).

I think it's the fact we are pottering along and happy together that makes the GP/NHS/Social Services think we don't need as much input as others who are not coping so well. We do get some money but it's the practical help I need more than any. I get so tired and don't quite know what I'm doing myself sometimes.

Thank you for your support too Mamyalynne. I will wrap up well tonight. Mrs. As just gone to bed and she doesn't wake up so I'll be going out soon.

Take care.

[ELVIS68]

Take care Andyvon, don`t walk too far in this weather, it`s bloody freezing outside

[Mamyalynne]

Oh sweetheart, yes that is what you have done, provided your own world and the authorities are happy for that, you are a star in the firmament my love really you are, and your love shines through. Will think of you often on your starlit walks. (((hug)))

[MarkRae]

I have the utmost respect and admiration for carers. My old Mum was a home help for the last 25 years of her working life, and I could not have done her job for all the money in the world... People who have the skill to do this job are special people indeed...