how do i disperse this anger?

[baggysenior]

if you look at my recent post you'll see i was recently binned by my boyfriend of nearly 2 yrs. Although i have accepted that it was not a healthy releationship and i am best off out, my mood has changed from sadness, to feeling really, really, angry that a man who promised me he wouldn't treat me bad again, did. I want to tell him i didn't lie (he never gave me the opportunity to talk)i want to shout that he went back on his word, i feel like screaming that he was very unkind and immature to end our relationship the way he did(an impulse out of anger), and i REALLY REALLY hope that he is sad without me. I'm not an unkind person at all, and i hope i'm really kind to everyone, so these emotions are going against my nature. Is this a natural process, or am i a bitch?

[NazNomad]

Yes, and possibly yes. :-)

[bednobs]

natural.

[mike11111]

Very brave, Naz, alhough I understand the sheep from Wales have to be from necessity.
By the way, dw i newydd ddefro. Noswaith dda!

[andy-hughes]

Anger at unresolved issues is a very normal and natural response in a situation like this.

I felt precisely the same way over a lost friendship which was no fault of mine, and I raged for ages with the sheer injustice of it all.

You may find some release doing as i did - write it all down, rant on for pages, swear, get all your feelings down, and then seal it in an envelope and give it to your best friend to keep for you.

that really does give a sense of moving on, and finishing off (I hate the word 'closure'!) and will start you on the road to emotional recovery.

Our emotions are so powerful, they don't respond to rational argument about how it's better that you are out of this relationship, so have your say, and it will hopefully help you,

[baggysenior]

Thanks andy-hughes. i may just do that. I hadn't thought of writing it down. I really feel i want my day, but i know that this may well never come so i need to pop this balloon of anger before it explodes.Its so irritating because i pride myself on being honest (unless it's a white lie to spare someones feelings)and he knows it! I just want to know that i'm ok and that its normal to feel like this. Or perhaps i really am a bitch Naz :-)

[albalass]

although know one has actually died you're still "in mourning" for a loss. anger is pefectly normal, it means you're moving forward.
http://www.recover-fr...-stages-of-grief.html

[boxtops]

It is a natural process baggy, but you know it was not a good relationship, so you are not mourning the loss, so much as angry that he didn't do as he promised. Relationships are hard! - and you are at least acknowledging how angry you are - but don't wish he's sad, you just need to work through these feelings and draw a line under it. Don't hope he misses you, that's almost wishing he would get in touch - and promise all over again. If you should see him - you are doing fine, you're not moping or resentful, you have moved on. Be bold, baggy - you're worth more than letting this get the better of you. Someone else will come along and then you will see what it can be like, when someone is considerate and keeps their word. Good luck!

[baggysenior]

gosh, i'm so glad i joined this site. You have no idea how much it helps me. It's almost like you all care about me without knowing me which is touching. It's right to say by holding on to the feeling of hoping he's sad, i'm holding on in some way. I've GOT to learn to let go.That is quite hard. Just hearing a song that relates to love churns my stomach. I recognise it does me no good to be hoping he's hurting, because that does make me a bitch. I am cautious of any man now, yet i know men aren't all like him. I know many men who i'm sure would'nt treat a woman like this. The true test will be if he ever contacts me. I do believe he thrives from the chase, and once he catches he has control. He's done it to me countless times. Thankyou to all of you. I WILL remain strong and ignore any contact he may ever make and hopefully move on to a healthy relationship where i don't get emotionally battered.

[SizzleSquid]

i would write him a letter or send him a text explaining that you didnt lie-then you would feel like you have told him and its off your chest. Stress that you are not interested in getting back with him-you just wanted him to know this as you didnt want to be thought of as a liar and explain to him that now youve told him you can move on,.at least thats a way to tell him without making it sound like your telling him for a reconciliaion

[baggysenior]

thats quite a good idea sizzlesquid, but my only concern is he would see it as a way of trying to get back 'in with him' despite me emphasising that i do not wish for a reconciliation. He is a control freak, and by me contacting him he would gain control. Sounds so stupid i know, but this is how he works. The last text message he sent me said ----you did lie, and i hope you find the humility to start telling yourself the truth. No more text until then please. i feel humiliated that you think i would just accept your story and carry on respecting you. How could i? maybe this is a taste of my own medicine. ---- so you see what he's like? I promise you i have never even looked at another man, behaved dishonestly, and the window of time where he thinks i lied, was just caring for my sick daughter and arranging care with my ex husband! 100% no lie was EVER told. I don't get it. well atleast you may have some insight as to the kind of guy he is and why i don't think i should contact him at all. Your views and advice are always welcome and respected. thankyou.

[ummmm]

It's the process....

After the anger goes...welcome the hate...

[baggysenior]

the anger is bubbling away in my brain. I don't want to hate though :(

[Whoever]

Of course you're feeling angry. It's a perfectly natural emotion in the circumstances. What you need to do, however, difficult, is continually remind yourself of all the bad things in this relationship and ask yourself how you would be feeling in five years time if you were still together and still being subjected to this cruel and callous behaviour.

You won't be, because you're now out of it and have a chance to rebuild your life. Breaking up in a relationship is rather like a bereavement. You go through various phases of anger, resentment, numbness, grief and finally acceptance. Once you've reached the acceptance phase, you'll gradually be able to move on. These various phases don't happen overnight so don't be impatient with yourself. Time and keeping busy with other activities will gradually allow you to move on and consign this person to history.