Why do I let him do this to me

[strawberryblonde]

Why is it that I cant get a certain man out of my head J have known him for a long time and have become really close to him over the last few weeks but the other night I went out with someone else ( I am not in a relationship with the 1st man ) and we bumped into him he grabbed hold of me and made a bit of a scene I left and now neither of these men want to talk to me but it hurts that the 1st one wont have anything to do with me he texted said he was going back to his ex. Feeling really depressed x

[ummmm]

If you were interested in man 1 why did you go out with man 2? He probably thought you were leading him on.

He'll calm down.....if he doesn't then no great loss...

[cazzz1975]

a lot of your questions seem to revolve around these scenarios, its hard to know how to advise :/

[NOX]

If all is platonic as you suggest with you and man #1 then what right does he think he's got being stroppy and grabbing hold of you because you're going out with someone else? Man #2 seems pretty irrelevent to the situation to me, but you can bet your life man #1 thought he was onto a winner and you've simply dented his ego. He'll get over it, but maybe a clarification chat is in order.

[strawberryblonde]

I want more than platonic with him but very unclear about what he wants he has spent a lot of time with me over the last few weeks and been texting a lot but not made any real advances. I feel like i am getting nowhere so decided it was time to move on but know i was only fooling myself because now he wont answer my text feel devestated. Only sent one text finding it really hard not to send more but am resisting at moment x

[ummmm]

In a few weeks you felt like you were getting nowhere so decided to move on...

Maybe he was testing the waters to see how fickle you are...

[NOX]

Okay then, simple. Just phone him, don't text him - they're too easy to ignore-, tell him you wanted more than a platonic relationship with him, but misread that he wasn't interested in you and decided to try to get over it by going out with man #2. Tell him it was nothing more than a simple drink / dinner- whatever it was- and that you'd really like to be going out with him. If he's a sensible human being he'll take that on board, if he's not you've had a lucky escape- either way life's too short.

[strawberryblonde]

I cant bring myself to ring him what if he ignores me and if he really wanted me he wouldnt be saying he was going back to his ex and that i had played him for a fool dont know why I let him make me feel like this cois normally I can take or leave people x

[orizu50]

he

[NOX]

Okay so he tells you to f3ck off, what have you lost- you'll cry your eyes out for a night and then move on because you were pretty much doing that already. IF however he goes along with you then you've everything to gain- from experience I know the more you dither and play games and wonder what you ought to do the more likely it is that the other person will decide for you.

[4getmenot]

i went through the same, i wanted man 1 he only wanted me when he felt like it. Man 2 kept trying to ask me out. One night i b bumped into man 2 and he came back to mine with loads of others. Man 1 had seen and turned up at my door and stood there staring man 1 out till man 1 eventually left and got angry thinking i had set him up.

[4getmenot]

sorry staring man 2 out. Man 2 was peed off at me for ages and i realised man 2 was the man for me and that man 1 was just a player. I made sure i cut all ties with man 1, even mutual friends, now 4yrs later im still with man 2 :-)

[strawberryblonde]

Nok do u think I would be better just waiting see if he turns up usual places we all go Sat night even though he told me he never going there again? I feel like we are both playing games.
4getmenot what happened? x

[strawberryblonde]

I know man 2 not for me I been feeling like this for too long now need to try and move on but its so hard x

[4getmenot]

ask him straight out. If he says no at least you know and wont waste your life chasing him

[strawberryblonde]

Everyone says that but I would be devestated if he said no he has been around now for a long timne x

[4getmenot]

hey man 1 was in my life for 10yrs. Hardest thing i ever had to do saying goodbye to him, but we wernt meant to be and even now he cheats on his partner and did while she was pregnant. And im finally happy! Most of them 10yrs were spent crying from things he'd done to upset me, now my man treats me great. X

[boxtops]

Don't listen to what everyone else says - do this for yourself. He's got you on a string by the sound of it, and enjoying it. When you said he "made a scene", is that really want you want of your boyfriend? I wouldn't. Be strong, make the break, let him go back to his ex - you take charge of your future. He won't like it, but it sounds as if there are better fish in the sea - you'll find one.

[strawberryblonde]

I know you are all right and I am normally really strong but there is something about him that I cant break away from I really wish I could but its so hard. Realistically I know I did nothing wrong but he has got me feeling so guilty even though he is in constant touch with his ex, he has treated her bad but she just take him back and I think I am going down the same road wish I could forget him x

[joko]

maybe he was taking it slow...

after only a few weeks you say you felt you'd had enough and moved on...

thats rather shallow. its really not very loing at all when startign something new and maybe he just felt you were messing him about

if hes not worth more than a few weeks then maybe you are...?

[strawberryblonde]

He was treating me bad and I know this but still doesnt stop my feelings he was also being unfair on his ex. Not heard from him for 3 days now and he reckoned he wasnt going where all our friends go on a sat night so might be a good thing x