A view from the other side of the bar...

[janzman]

...Dear Customer...
1.When ordering your drinks please remember to order them one at a time as we like to run back and forth to keep fit.
2.Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a chat before coming back and ordering the rest.We will still be waiting as we have nothing better to do and we appreciate the rest.
3.When you have a big order Please order your Guiness last as we agin will appriciate the rest as we wait for it to settle.
4.If you are kept waiting for TWO minutes,always tell us you have been waiting for 'half an hour' as we have no concept of time and it makes us think the time is going faster.
5.Always wait until you have finished your order and received your change before ordering your crisps or snacks.When requiring a packet of plain crisps or pringles always ask for the full range of flavours available before asking for the plain option,it helps us to remember whats available.
6.If you are offered free snacks on the bar make sure you ask if they are past their sell by date.
7.If upon arrival at the bar there is someone ahead of you shout over them as we like to be abused by people who think its our fault if they are served out of turn.
And finally
8.Never ever say please or thankyou as this only irritates us.

Your friendly Barstaff

[Mosaic]

....9. Women who are not totty should be roundly ignored then eventually if they don't go away, get served at arms length while you talk to your colleague / text a friend.

[muchlovex]

ooooo, didn't you know how hard that is uummmmmmm... it's really tiresome for some bar staff to read it all out when they are pouring a pint.

[daftgrandad]

And please barstaff,don,t pour all the tonic into the gin,the customer will decide,how much they want.
Also its not normal to put ice in double brandies,without being asked.

[muchlovex]

good point daftgrandad!

Also, I love having to shout my order as loud as possible to try and drown out the loud music playing. (not that I don't like loud music).

[mrs_overall]

....and don't pour chilled white wine into a glass that is red hot from the dishwashing machine

[muchlovex]

another point I'd like to add is, when I ask for no ice, please can you add extra as I love my drink freezing cold when it's minus 40 degrees outside.

[sara3]

I see the barman has disappeared... typical!

[tigwig]

Make sure when asking for a malibu and coke (or similar) you pour the tiny measure into the largest glass you have and fill it right to the top with coke (or should I say cheap cola even though Coke/Pepsi is advertised). I love it when I can't taste the drink I've ordered and the fizzy pop bloats me.

[pa___ul3]

ohhh I'm glad I'm not a barman any more!
My rules were more simple... don't click, don't whistle, don't stand at the bar going "eh mate" when you know there's people who've been there longer than you. Kno8head tax will be rated at my discretion!