Lesbian Relationships

[david51058]

Why is it that in some lesbian relationships, one tends to be 'butch' ie dress and act in a masculine way? If a woman is attracted to other women then why go for someone who tries to look like a man? It doesn't make sense.

[looby1914]

Hmmmmm I always wondered the same but then again what does it matter what a person chooses to wear.. Im in a relationship with my mrs and i wear girlyish clothes ( leggings & top) were she is more comfier in jeans, tshirt or her footy shirts.. But she doesnt look "butch" at all... I didnt fall in love with her sense of clothes i fell for who she is as a person and how she treats me tbh.

[maggieb66]

I suppose cause the women both undertand each other and know what they like, unlike most of the male population. I've been married for 21 years and there are still things my hubby doesn't understand about me.

[Huderon]

You could rephrase the question slightly and pose it about gay men .. and it would be just as silly.
While a lot fo relationships may start off with an attraction to someone's looks - and by that I don't mean the way they dress - what keeps them going is the attraction and attachment to the person.

[andy-hughes]

It comforts heterosexual men to simplify gay relationships as pseudo-straight relationships - one partner has to 'play the man' and one has to 'play the woman'.

Itis borne out of ignorance, and as anyone who knows any gay people at all well, their relationships are far more complex than that, regardless of any particular dress sense adopted by one or other.

A butch gay woman is not trying to 'look like a man' - she is adopting the aspects of male appearence that appeal to her, and help to define a personal style.

On that basis - it makes perfect sense.

david51058 - get yourself some gay friends, you'll learn a lot.

[david51058]

No, you are missing my point. I am not criticising the way they dress and i know people see beyond how someone may look. However it just seems to be a common theme with a lot of lesbian couples and it's not just to do with them deciding how to dress, it seems to be more then that.

[jackthehat]

I shouldn't think it is, though............

[andy-hughes]

It's only 'common' with the lesbian couples who adopt a style of appearence - any other lesbian couple look like two friends.

Therefore, I'd say that far more lesbian couples do not choose to affirm their sexuality by means of outward apearence, and it's actually the minority that do so.

I understand that you are not offering criticism, but i would reiterate my point - it is simply a choice of style, in the same way as a puink, goth, emo, etc., and i don;t believe there is any more to it than that.

However, this is just my own viewpoint, and there are a number of gay women on the AB who can come in and offer a far more valid viewpoint than I.

[hc4361]

I know exactly what you mean. Why would a lesbian be attracted to a butch woman instead of a girlie girl?
Why would a gay man be attracted to an effeminate man?

I've often wondered the same thing, just out of curiosity.

[andy-hughes]

hc4361 - this is the stereotyping to which I referred earlier.

You cannot equate gay relationships with straight relationships and bend (no pun intended) stereotypes to fit - it simply does not work that way.

People, regardless of sexuality, are attracted to some people, not to others. I am very attracted to dark women - Afro-Carribeans, Indian, Greek, etc., but my wife is blonde. That's how it works.

Because a woman is gay does not mean she is obliged to find an 'opposite' for a partner - she will simply find someone she likes, and that can be any woman of any appearence - same for gay men.

Next week - why all Arabs are not terrorists ...

[ummmm]

My cousin is Gay. She's neither butch or girlie. Her GF is really girly though

[Old_Geezer]

There is no accounting for taste.

[hc4361]

andy hughes. You seem to be deliberately obtuse about this.

[andy-hughes]

How so?

[Richard1966]

My daughter and her same sex partner are staying with us at the moment. They are both very girly.

[david51058]

You see far more lesbian girls with 'butch' looking girlfriends than hetrosexual men with 'butch' looking girlfriends. It seems that a lot of lesbians like a partner who is an opposite of themselves, one is girlie, the other one not. I am an hetrosexual male therefore I would not be attracted to women who look like men, so why do so many lesbians?

[andy-hughes]

Are you reading the answers you are receiving?

Just because you see a feminine-looking girl with a 'butch' girl does not automatically mean that they are a couple - or even that they are lesbians.

you cannot judge peoples' sexuality based on their appearence - otherwise David Dickinson is gay - he's not, and Sue Perkins is straight - she's not.

You cannot try and imagine your preferences as a straight man transferred onto a gay woman - how can that possibly work?

Gay women fancy whom they fancy - some like butch girls, some like 'femme' girls, some like both, some neither, and the majority don;t really care either way.

Generalising - it's not a good way to go.

I guess you have yet to take my advice about finding some gay friends?

[david51058]

I have actually recently met and asked a lesbian couple this very question (they are both very feminine actually and I wouldn't have asked the question if they weren't) and they also have had the same observations as I have and admit they cannot understand why this should be.

[andy-hughes]

Obviously you are not going to be cvontent until you have 'an answer' to your question, even though a definitive answer does not exist, for little in our experienceis less definable than sexual attraction.

Find yourself a butch lesbian and ask her - but remember, you will still only have one woman's opinion - not the definitive answer you seem determined to seek.