I have three daughters, so of course, no man is ever going to live up to my expectations - that's just the way it is.
My eldest and youngest are both with really sound guys who love and look after them, and I have great relationships with them.
Our middle one's husband is somewhat 'difficult' but we are civil.
I have made it my business to be polite to all my daughters' boyfriends to their faces, and positive about them to my daughters behind their backs - and kept any reservations I may have had to myself.
My mother was deeply hurtful about my relationship with my wife when we started - because he was going through a divorce and had two children. We have been together thrity-one years now, so obvioulsy I was right, and she was wrong!
Being hostile about your childrens' choices in any area of life simply drives them away, so put your point quietly, and yes, let them make their own decisions, and be there which ever way those decisions work out.