Am I just hoping that he likes me?

[Lov3shy]

I have a crush on a guy who, for once, does live nearby (a city away, however) and is gay. He seemed very interested in me at first and this increased as we got to know each other. I told him that I like him in that sort of way about a month ago and he was very apologetic because he felt as if he was leading me on (which did seem to be the case), telling me that he 'likes' other people (who he can't actually have - his own words). Even though he says that he only wants to be my friend, he does seem to show some sort of interest in me (not as much as in the beginning of the friendship but it's still something I guess).

I just have a feeling that he may actually like me, even though I know that I can do better in terms of a boyfriend for he is quite arrogant, pompous, and likes to seek power yet appears to be a little affectionate.
What should I do to help counteract this? Is this wishful thinking or do you think there could be something?

[mccfluff]

wishful thinking, he has told you he's not interested, but i'll bet he likes the attention

[murraymints]

best to keep him as a friend.....you sound very young?..perhaps he is older and uncertain what experience you have and does not want to exploit you.....

[Lov3shy]

I had a feeling it would be wishful thinking, but wanting attention could be right.

He is younger than me but I am only a teenager in my late teens, so you could say it's hormones.

[murraymints]

he is maybe uncertain of his orientation still ?...his manner an act of bravado when he is scared and unsure himself.....

[rowanwitch]

Is he definitely gay?
If so and he is quite young he might still be trying to work out his own feelings...i.e ready to say that is what he thinks he is but not quite ready for a proper relationship or it may be he prefers a different type.. sounds like you should look elsewhere

[Lov3shy]

Hmm maybe he is still uncertain, I doubt he'd be fully certain just yet. The only boyfriend I know he's had is someone online (I remember him arguing with this person and I helped him through it, along with other people). But yeah, he identifies as gay but perhaps he is still thinking about things.

Although slightly out of the question, I remember he told me that he likes me for who I am, he thinks I'm caring, I'm cute, and "an awesome dude". I guess I should look elsewhere, I know that the fact he lives nearby and that he identifies as gay doesn't help things much.

[murraymints]

get out there lov3shy.....many more fish in the sea !!!good luck !

[pa___ul3]

I think everyone's had stong feelings for a friend at some point, and often it goes no further that 'I wonder if I'd stand a chance' without doing anything about it because we didn't have the balls. That was certainly the case with me anyway.
You've told this guy how you feel, and although he's suggested he's not interested, you're still mates. Just go with that, your feelings may change, his may change, but at least you know where you stand right now so you should go with the right now.
You have a good mate who you like to look at! Bingo!

[Lov3shy]

I think friends is the best thing to be too, I guess I'm just being impatient and perhaps short-listing him down to a person I could have because I don't know anyone else nearby who I could have. I know that I'll meet new people and perhaps one of those people will be my future boyfriend, I just wish I had more patience.

Thanks you so much everyone for your answers, it's helped me to clear the air a little and to organise my thoughts.

[Scarlett]

If he says he's gay, he's probably gay. Gay men make really lovely friends as they have none of the awkwardness and hang-ups of straight teenage men! They don't fancy you, so therefore being affectionate and sweet comes easily to them. Straight men/boys would agonise over being so familiar with a girl! He obviously likes you as a friend, and you get on well. I would try and get over thinking of him as a potential boyfriend, and look forward to having him as a friend for years to come. There will be lots of other (straight) men out there for you, who will come and go; hopefully this friend will be there for you forever!

[gingejbee]

all very well, Scarlett - but the post is from a GAY teenager!

[Scarlett]

Och-sorry!! Must have read it too fast!!

[Lov3shy]

Although I am also a guy Scarlett, I guess he still would make a good friend minus his negative traits. I agree that he may as well just be a friend, I don't want to go any further until he says (if he does) that he likes me in 'that' way.

[Scarlett]

In which case I'll answer again!! My best friend at school was/is gay, and she yearned for a girlfriend, but in our very small town, it didn't happen. When she finally broke free and went to uni, she had 13 girlfriends in her first year! (She was in Brighton!). She also had a serious relationship with someone who was really not suitable for her- twice her age and very clingy. She was basically going out with people just because there simply wasn't much choice. Years on, she has a lovely girlfriend and is very happy. I think in your case, it's desert island syndrome. You are trying to make it work with someone it's not really going to work with, as there is a lack of anyone better around. So... be patient!

[Lov3shy]

That does sound remarkably correct. It's hard being patient after waiting for a few years; I know it could be much worse but I don't have a lot of close friends who live nearby, most are living in cities that are quite far away.
I'll just have to do what may seem rather boring and wait.