ChatterBank1 min ago
Dilemma
7 Answers
I separated from my husband 6 months ago. There were lots of reasons for this, but one of them was that after living in all sorts of places during our marriage (due to him being in the forces), I wanted to move back home to where we both came from. He always knew that I wanted this eventually, but when it came to the crunch, he didn't want to; he wanted to go and live abroard. He has gone and is out of the picture.
I still want to go "home" because I've never liked living here, I have no friends here, so no one to go out and socialize with. We have two daughters who are both married and settled here, but they don't want me hanging around all the time. The people I work with are mostly a lot younger than me, so not up for socializing with an oldie like me. I've never found it easy to make friends, and it gets harder as one gets older. (I've tried the evening classes tack, but found that people come with their friends, no one seemed to be there to make new ones).
Back "home" I have a sister who is a widow, various cousins and a couple of lifelong friends.
I have been trying to sell my house for the past 8 months and now it looks like the end may be in sight, everyone is telling me that I should stay here to be near my daughters and grandchildren. I have spent my whole life living where others decided I should and for the first time I have a choice.
Eight months ago I was raring to go and if my house had sold quickly I would have been up and gone like a shot, but I've had too much time to think and now I don't know what to do.
I still want to go "home" because I've never liked living here, I have no friends here, so no one to go out and socialize with. We have two daughters who are both married and settled here, but they don't want me hanging around all the time. The people I work with are mostly a lot younger than me, so not up for socializing with an oldie like me. I've never found it easy to make friends, and it gets harder as one gets older. (I've tried the evening classes tack, but found that people come with their friends, no one seemed to be there to make new ones).
Back "home" I have a sister who is a widow, various cousins and a couple of lifelong friends.
I have been trying to sell my house for the past 8 months and now it looks like the end may be in sight, everyone is telling me that I should stay here to be near my daughters and grandchildren. I have spent my whole life living where others decided I should and for the first time I have a choice.
Eight months ago I was raring to go and if my house had sold quickly I would have been up and gone like a shot, but I've had too much time to think and now I don't know what to do.
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You are clearly not happy where you are, and it seems you are starting to bend to the pressure of others. Selling a house is draining to say the least and you deserve a fresh new start. It may not be all roses when you get back, generally it can feel a bit of an anti-climax. Remember, for them it will just be life as usual.
But stick to your guns if you feel that is what you want to do, don't look at it as running away from problems, maybe set a date for the future where you can visit your daughters, or they can visit you, then concentrate and get on with your own life. Start afresh. Good luck.
Returning to old haunts can often turn out to be disappointing but, as you're obviously not happy where you are, I suggest you go through with your plans.
You shouldn't, however, try to reconstruct a life based solely around old friendships. Keep on trying to find new friends through activities such as evening classes. (They're not all the same. Just look for something which you know you'd enjoy even if you were the only student in the class - then you'll have something to look forward to every week irrespective of any new friendships you might make. Friendships tend to come along when you're not obviously looking for them! Just a thought: I studied journalism through evening classes - you've obviously got a reasonable command of the English language so why not give something similar a try?).
Summing up: Don't let a few 'butterflies' stop you from going through with your plans but don't expect your social life to miraculously pick-up when you return 'home'. You'll still have to put in some effort yourself.
Hang on a moment! Who am I to be giving people advice about their social life? I'm sat at home, on my own, answering questions on AB - maybe I'm the one who needs help! LOL!
Best of luck, anyway!
Chris
You shouldn't, however, try to reconstruct a life based solely around old friendships. Keep on trying to find new friends through activities such as evening classes. (They're not all the same. Just look for something which you know you'd enjoy even if you were the only student in the class - then you'll have something to look forward to every week irrespective of any new friendships you might make. Friendships tend to come along when you're not obviously looking for them! Just a thought: I studied journalism through evening classes - you've obviously got a reasonable command of the English language so why not give something similar a try?).
Summing up: Don't let a few 'butterflies' stop you from going through with your plans but don't expect your social life to miraculously pick-up when you return 'home'. You'll still have to put in some effort yourself.
Hang on a moment! Who am I to be giving people advice about their social life? I'm sat at home, on my own, answering questions on AB - maybe I'm the one who needs help! LOL!
Best of luck, anyway!
Chris
You know what? This is time for YOU - to do what you want, with no strings attached, for the first time! Could it be that when it comes to the crunch the strings that have tied you to other people are also a bit comforting? Of course it will be frightening to do what YOU want, when it's not something you've done for a long time, but don't put obstacles in your way.
If you've managed to put up with travelling around for reasons you didn't choose, I'm sure travelling to visit your daughters and their families will be a cinch.
See yourself for who you are - a well travelled lady with a wealth of experience and maturity. Go with your gut feeling, and if you don't like it when you get there, what's stopping you coming back? Live for today!
You will only be at the end a phone so you can speak to your daughters and grandchildren. I am sure they can visit you and vis versa. If this is what you want to do then you will be much happier and that will show when you see your family. If you have a sister who is a widow then perhaps you would be company for each other.
Been there done that but I stayed and regreted it, you must decide what you want but remember you can never turn the clock back and sometimes going back is a mistake. I would suggest you maybe go and stay with your sister for a short while to see if you fit in with life there then go back home and write a list of pros and cons to see who is coming out ahead but be honest with yourself. I have turned my life around on my own, your kids will find you if they need you its time for you, good luck
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