Friends or lovers?

[jen1302]

Can you ever be friends when a relationship ends with sumone youv'e shared your life with for five years?.we always have said that no matter what happens we will be friends and can sleep with each other.i feel gutted tho knowing he is sleeping with other women and using me as and when he needs it.i know i need to loosen the grip but i am emotionally so attached to him, and he to me he says.

How can you ever move on when you feel so much for them?

[KittyGlitter]

I don't think there are any rules that say you can't be friends with ex's, I just think it depends on how and why it ended. For example, if it's a case of both people no longer fancying each other, but still like the friendship, I could see that working. But in your case, it sounds like you are still very much attached to him and he is using you for sex. It's really hard but you have to be strong! You might enjoy the sex at the time and the faint hope that he will take you back but I'm sure that the rest of the time, this will not be helpful for you or your emotions. If he is emotionally attached to you, then why did the relationship end? Is he still attached to you, when he is having sex with another woman? For your own self-worth, I recommend making a clean break from this because he will drag you down. You won't be able to move on whilst this is happening. At the moment, he is having the best of both worlds but you are suffering from this- don't let him treat you badly and only you are in the position to stop it - this will give you a sense of power and control, even if your heart is telling you to give in to him.

[mullein3]

the only thing this is doing to you is stopping you from moving on..and trying to get a new life..if someone still wants sex with you thats control!! as they still have claims on you..you dont want to sleep with someone that has so little respect for you..and you dont want to be in danger of catching disease as you dont know where he has been....you are going to have to be strong and let him go..and it may take you a while to get yourself together but at least you can hold your head up with dignity...he is a control freak and you will have to come to terms with it...he hasnt got any emotions he is just full of bullsxxt and you are so vulnerable that you are at his mercy...to move on you need to start doing different things..maybe a new image..new social scene..new hobbys..new job...travel...anything to take your mind away from this ..

[andy hughes]

Sound advice from the previous correspondents - friendship is possible, but it has to be on equal terms. This relationship is clearly not balanced, and you need to either adjust your perspective, which sounds like it will be difficult, if not impossible, or walk away and put your energy and care into a relationship that is going to fulfil you, not leave you as a pining sex object which is where you are now.

Men can, and do, say anything to get sex from a willing parter, and need no mental commitment to do so. You must move on, this is damaging you, your emtoional attatchment is only going to keep on hurting you. If this was a tooth, you'd have it taken out - you'd have a gap which would heal, and no more pain.

[jen1302]

I have met someone who is promising me the earth and i know who will take care of me, but for some reason i feel if i take on a relationship with this man i will be hurting my ex in the process.i know this is rediculous considering he is meeting his mistress this evening with no thought for me.guess am just too nice.

Thanks for the advice guys,need to get my mind fixed on other things....maybe take up knitting..lol :-)

[maggie01]

I think its possible to be friends but sleeping together is another thing. Women seem to stay involved where men I think in general can seperate sex from emotional involvement. I think you have to cut the ties at least for a while to enable youself to move on and find happiness.

[Betty Boop x]

Moving on and stopping contact with someone you have such strong feelings for is one of the hardest things to do, but it is the only way to truly get over somebody who is treating you this way.

It won't happen instantly and it will hurt, but eventually if you completly cut someone out of your life, it won't hurt anymore and you will be able to move on. It could take weeks or months but it's worth it.

No good can come from staying in contact with this man.  I suggest you tell him you no longer wish to see or hear from him as the situation isn't fair on you.  Then take things slowly with this new guy and see how it goes.

[edwina child]

my best m8 was a lad who i loved more than a m8 and all he seen me as was a m8 that hurt a hell of a lot but i new my dream of being with him would come and it did every time we was drunk but the day after he did'nt want to no , it keep happening week after week and i got use to him not talking to me but it did not bother me at all cause i was getting what i wanted and so was he in different ways now am marreid with a baby but when i came to give birth my husband did not want to no and my best m8 came to the hosp to be with me ,so i never had a real relationship with him just sex but when i needed someone he was there he mean' s the world to me and my baby.