adoption

[lady jane]

my granddaughter is going to be adopted very soon , it is heart breaking ,. will she keep her first names and only change her surname , or will everyt detail be tottaly new, i plan to put her birth family history in a box , any suggestions as not want 2 leave anything out . thanks

[smudge]

Oh lady jane, I really do feel for you. I cannot imagine the feeings in your heart right now, or that of the mother/father giving her up for adoption.

Apart from family/baby photo's & written memories, maybe little bit of her hair, some hand & foot prints, her first baby grow, etc., would be nice for her to see, if & when she decides to trace her birth mother/father in the future.

Arms around you. -xx-

[zzxxee]

every case is different i would put as many photos in as you can and letters as well to tell her you will always think of her and how much you love her i wish you peace in time xxxx

[lady jane]

i intend 2 give it 2 social services , 2 be given 2 her if or when she wants it , she is 18mhs old ,

[zzxxee]

i feel for you i really do x

[smudge]

It must be heartbreaking enough having to give up a child from newborn, when you haven't had a chance to bond in the usual way, but I just can't imagine what it must be like to hand over a toddler after 18 months of love.

I wish there was some way I could help you lady jane - but there's always someone on here if you should need a shoulder. -xx-

[mrs_overall]

Adoptive parents can change both the surname and forename of the child.
i cannot imagine the heartbreak you are going through right now, and I wish I could give you a big hug.
As well as the suggestions already given for the box, why not compile a family tree and write a booklet on as many people on the family tree as you can....and if you can put photo's of them in, so much the better.
How about a letter to her from you? You could tell her how much you love her, and list as many anecdotes about her as you can.

[dothawkes31]

have you asked whether there will be a role in her life for yourself? I certsinly would try to maintain a strong relationship with her, My god by 18months old my grandson was my world, i think i would have run away if there had ever been a chance he would be lost to me, have you contacted a solicitor and made represenation to the court for contact?

[albaqwerty]

I'm about to post something VERY personal.
My daughter was adopted over 30 years ago. My mother was very much in favour of that. I kept a few hospital/baby things of hers.
My heart goes out to you jane as you seem to be a most caring person x

[smudge]

I feel for you too alba - it must have been & probably still is difficult for you at certain times in your life. Thank you for sharing your story & I hope things turn out the way you would like them to. -xx-

One of my sisters had a baby boy adopted in 1964, after just one week in hospital together. I cannot tell you the heartbreak she went through.....However, I found him via a certain website & he'd been looking for her too. Mother & son were reunited just before his 40th birthday & they are now in contact on a regular basis. They & their families, have stayed at each other's houses & have been on holiday together. All is well....

I know every story is different, but never give up hope.....

[Nannyjill]

I feel for you too. It must be a heart breaking decision for the parent concerned as well as yourself but you may or may not be able to receive information about her once a year.

All the suggestions are good and of course you'll want to keep something personal to remember her by.

when she opens the box she'll know what a kind, caring and loving grandmother you are.

[sara3]

lady jane, I can't really add to what has been said. it's heartbreaking. my neighbours have adopted children and they are in touch with "natural" family members. maybe something can be set up.

albaqwerty, big hugs to you xx

[lorri24601]

if it helps i have a positive story, my best friend at school had her son adopted when she was 16,she was living with her mum who said she could not have him and stay living at home and had to either terminate, or have him adopted ( nice mother !!!!! not ) over the years she tormented herself wondering what had happened to him., She left the letters she was allowed to with the appropriae agencys but still felt little hope,but when he reached the age he could contact her, he did, and his adoptive parents being mindful that this may happen, sent with him to his first meeting with his birth mum, an album of photos of him growing up and a lovely letter thanking her for allowing them to be a part of his life.turns out he had been bought up less than 20 miles away, but the adoptive parents , even though they had always bought him up as their own had never forgotten the "mum" that gave birth

[NiallsMama]

Big Hugs LadyJane, I can't imagine what's going on for you right now.....I'm an adopted child (well, Ive just turned 31) and my birth mother had I suppose what you would call an 'open adoption' when letters were sent to my birth mother & back again for about 5 yrs. I know all my history & have know from yr.Dot where I came from, My parents gave me a loving and stable upbringing & I wouldn't have it any other way, but a part of me is more than curious to find out more, not so much as to be a reunited daughter/granddaughter, but to meet the people I came from to give a me a little more understanding.
I would second the previous poster to see if you can remain in some contact as grandparent, It must be heartbreaking for you to have seen her grow. Good luck & keep posting x

[lady jane]

in sept 2009, i had some very lovely messages on here, in regards to the possible adoption of my granddaughter, update.... she is safely in our home fulltime , thanks everybody. xxx