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Bernard Matthews & The Archbishop of Canterbury.
3 Answers
Bernard Matthews (bless his soul) went to the Archbishop of Canterbury.
Hey Bish, I've got a bootiful deal for you. I'm prepared to offer the CofE £10 million. There is a condition though, I want the line in the Lords Prayer, "Give us our Daily Bread" to "Give us our Daily Turkey."
The Archbishop just dismissed it out of hand.
"Well Bish, how about £15 mln?"
"I can't do it, Bernard. The Lords Prayer is an integral part of common worship."
"£20 million"
"I still can't do it - it is a fundamental plank of christianity."
"25 million?"
"No, it is sacrosanct."
The negotiations continued to £35 million. At this point, being a typical christian pragmatist, the Archbishop weakened.
"Well, Bernard, it is a lot of money and we could do a lot of good with it. But I do have the Synod - they are the equivalent of my shareholders. But I will put it to them as we have a meeting coming up in a month."
The Archbishop goes in front of the Synod. "I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that Bernard Matthews, of turkey, fame has offered us £35 mln and with all the rotting churches, loss of congregations and scandals that we have had, a cash injection of this magnitude would be very timely."
"The bad news is that wre have just lost the Warburton's account."
Hey Bish, I've got a bootiful deal for you. I'm prepared to offer the CofE £10 million. There is a condition though, I want the line in the Lords Prayer, "Give us our Daily Bread" to "Give us our Daily Turkey."
The Archbishop just dismissed it out of hand.
"Well Bish, how about £15 mln?"
"I can't do it, Bernard. The Lords Prayer is an integral part of common worship."
"£20 million"
"I still can't do it - it is a fundamental plank of christianity."
"25 million?"
"No, it is sacrosanct."
The negotiations continued to £35 million. At this point, being a typical christian pragmatist, the Archbishop weakened.
"Well, Bernard, it is a lot of money and we could do a lot of good with it. But I do have the Synod - they are the equivalent of my shareholders. But I will put it to them as we have a meeting coming up in a month."
The Archbishop goes in front of the Synod. "I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that Bernard Matthews, of turkey, fame has offered us £35 mln and with all the rotting churches, loss of congregations and scandals that we have had, a cash injection of this magnitude would be very timely."
"The bad news is that wre have just lost the Warburton's account."
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